Wednesday, October 30, 2019

I am 50

Word up, homies. The three magic words that say: I may be fifty, but I am still very much 'with it'. In celebration of this most recent of birthdays, I am going to share some of the things that give me pleasure. I am not sure if they say anything about my age, but I will let you (my adoring readers and/or fans) be the judges of that.

Electric blanket
Chill in the air? Autumnal nippy nip snapping at your cheeks? Pop yourself upstairs and put that blanky on half an hour before you go to bed (10pm latest) for ultimate comfort. Fall asleep listing to "You and Yours". Wake up on fire 30 minutes later. Menopause? Blanky turned up to 11? Who can tell.

"GOOD NEWS! Your delivery is on its way!"email re:
  • new slippers (with orthopaedic support soles)
  • any smock-type garment "that looks great with jeans or leggings" (usually from the Seasalt sale)
  • support socks for my insertional achilles tendinopathy*
  • multi-pack of jam jar lids
  • mouse traps
  • special pencils 
  • more beans for the beanbag
  • this magical garment that makes me look like a potato trying to smuggle itself into a hot water bottle convention

Glasses on strings

It is life-changing (never lose glasses, can read at all times); it is also very ageing, in a particularly Brexit-y "back of The Telegraph Sunday Magazine" way. I do not wear them in public. I have other glasses for 'going up to London', a.k.a. going to work, going to parties that aren't in the village, etc.

Sleeveless puffa jacket
Bought from the garden centre, 25 quid.  Does not do up. Has large pockets.

Both of the these items look good with...

...Any sort of dress/tunic thing with patch pockets on the front
I am by no means alone in this, I realise, but the sweet and everlasting joy of being able to skip about the place with your phone/old tissues/dog poo bag/broken pencil/weird bit of cellophane picked up off floor/Bendick's Bittermint wrapper within easy reach is one that cannot be matched.

Doing the online grocery shopping
Doing it, receiving it, giving the bags back to Errin in the Onion Van, then unpacking it and not remembering having ordered 3 different types of beetroot and some tweezers.

Being out for a walk with the dog and seeing someone you like (and their dog that your dog likes)
I will write another post on the Dogs In Villages scenario (complex socio-political forces at work), but the pleasure I get from seeing a cheerful person who walks at the same speed as you and can talk about (for e.g.) dog biscuits for 40 minutes while your dogs leap about is a rare pleasure. Most of the time you are ducking behind hedges to avoid Jennie, her endless drivel about damsons and her wet spaniel that "doesn't like to play" (i.e. is a canine psychopath).

I am pretty sure I am going to think of more things to add, but in the meantime I am 100% interested in hearing what your versions are of these.  I do realise that commenting in web-logs etc is a bit 2007, but then I am a bit 1969, so who cares?

Pip pip!


* has anyone got any tips on this? It is fucking agony and I am fed up with it.


Unknown said...

Glasses on strings! Yes!! But haven't converted to online grocery shopping, so the glasses on strings prove very useful in supermarkets for making out fine details of Nutritional Content & Best Before, rather than holding jars/packets at arm's (arms'?) length to peer & inadvertently stepping backwards onto Someone Else's Toddler.


This is 100% it. “What does that say? The light is so bad in here - why do they put such small type on labels?”, etc.

Tired Dad said...

I am not quite 50 but may I add "feeling genuinely uneasy when things 'kick-off' on Gardener's Question Time on R4 (which happens more often than one would think) despite not even having a garden of one's own".

Lucie said...

I am 50 in 2 weeks. I have recently started to derive great pleasure from listening to R4. I even enjoy the shipping forecast. I have to say I think you would make a great pal and I don't 'do' pals being of a somewhat singular and taciturn nature (I tolerate my 23 year old)

Z said...

I converted to an electric blanket some 30 years ago, I must admit. In my 30s. But I do live in a house with an unheated upstairs and ice on the inside of the windows, on occasion.

I don't do online grocery shopping. What I do is potter in to the greengrocer, the deli, the fishmonger, the whole food shop etc with my bags and baskets and saved paper bags. Fashion has caught up with me as far as reusing bags is concerned; my former greengrocer son was a stern teacher.

Other online shopping, hell yes. If I can't get it in Yagnub, I get it online.

When on my bike, waving and calling cheery greetings to other cyclists and pedestrians. And waving gratefully to any motorist who actually signals rather than making me stop before turning off so that I didn't actually have to.

Not needing reading glasses at the age of 66 gives me such great pleasure. I apologise for being smug.

Keeping chickens and having them follow me for treats.

Making chutney and pickles and relishes and marmalade. I'm much older than you and retired, nearly, so I have time for this shit.

Blogging. Still. And reading blogs.

Boots. Having fallen off my shoes in the summer and broken my foot, I'm off heels for the winter. But that doesn't matter with boots.


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