1. Ripped the back off my heel jumping out of a camp bed whilst pretending to be a chicken. Unpleasant scarring, makes foot size larger (age c.14)
2. Had fingers slammed in car door by little brother. Faint scar on 4th finger of left hand. (c. 7)
3. Had bit of wood with old nail in accidentally whacked in face by little brother. Faint scar on top lip. (c. 5)
4. Made eardrum bleed by picking up telephone at the same time as clearing out ear with ear-bud. Sudden movement of arm/shoulder pushed ear-bud into ear. Blood came out. Continuing oddness; suspect partially deaf. (22)
5. Horse rolled over Triumph Herald on Knightsbridge. Car write-off, horse fine, rider fine. (c. 7)
6. Fell off a horse onto my head. Hospital overnight. There were strawberries. No external damange. (c. 17)
7. Fell off a horse onto my arse. Bruised/cracked coccyx. Couldn't sit down for weeks. (c. 13)
8. Locked in a communal garden in Notting Hill, I climbed over wall (approx 12 feet high) and jumped off, landing on my right ankle. Could not walk for weeks. Should probably have had a cast and/or surgery. Am missing a ligament in right foot. (17)
9. Balanced too much shopping on the already-crooked handlebars of my bike in Amsterdam and fell off, twisting right foot the other way. Could not walk for weeks. Even the physiotherapist gasped. (37)
10. Burns on forearms and back of hands from years and years of thinking my hands are made of asbestos. Many amusing pale, browny-pink scars from wrists to elbows.
11. Stabbed my hand with a pencil. Faint grey dot embedded deep in palm of left hand. (7)
12. Cut same finger in same place three times. Now have wonky left index finger. (21 - present)
I am sure I will remember the rest in the morning. Until then:
Pip "OW" pip
NWM
8 comments:
#1 reminds me of the time I sprained my ankle while jumping up and down yelling 'I'm a rabbit' (7). Subsequently sprained on two separate occasions (7-26), it is still slightly larger than the other one. The third time wasn't my fault, though, it was some fuckwitted speeding driver forcing me to brake very suddenly on my bike, while *ahem* cycling in 4" heels.
broke my coccyx 2 x in 3 weeks playing ice hockey, broke my nose 8 times, well 7 , the doc broke it in surgery for #8
many many scars for many reasons, not all of them sanity involved.
Goodness. Looks like 'lucky seven' did not exactly play out for you? It's a very, very impressive list though. I can't even begin to compete. I used to have to get points for 'weirdest disease presentation' by trotting out the fact that I had strep-thumb. I gave up using that though though as, after the age of 14, it no longer got a decent reaction. It's sad how jaded we become with age.
My hands are also not made of asbestos. I proved it earlier by blowtorch-unsoldering some water pipes that formerly fed my electric shower that went bang. Apparently gardening gloves are not made of asbestos either. Surprise! Hot! You have my sympathy.
I've got a lumpy nose from falling over and hitting a table whilst dancing to the Pebble Mill theme tune (3)
And just this morning I fell over in the shower (for no reason, must be getting to 'that' age) and have a grazed 'side'
And a bump in my finger from shutting it in the door hinge of the Fleet and Firkin, Portsmouth, after far too much toffee vodka.
Hell it's a wonder how any of us are still alive. I would like to present for consideration a chronically weakened left ankle caused by stumbling down the staircase of Jesmond Metro station while drunk in 1992, and a smashed-out triangular section of my two front teeth caused by a collision with the fence of my junior school playground while racing a boy named Kevin Illington (I won the race but lost the teeth).
Of your ones my favourite is number five. And looking through the list I'm more sure than ever I'm not going to be tempted to go anywhere near the top of a horse.
your brother is a sadist
hmmm...toffee vodka? never heard of it.
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