Friday, June 04, 2010

I have come to a conclusion

Regular readers will be aware that I am currently literally non-working, what with stopping doing my job in March and all of that.  Ten peaceful weeks have passed, and now it is June: unidentifiable birds squawk in the slightly common pink cherry tree outside the window; noisy young men, too old to be on a skateboard, crash up and down the street and the neighbour's fucking dogs, whose owners I blame for everything, are silenced by the underhand yet strangely brilliant ultrasonic bird house, which emits a noise that only they can hear; a noise activated by their barking, and silenced by their non-barking.

As time passes, I am beginning to understand that I was right (which will come as no surprise to you, my adoring readers and/or fans), for my general belief - fashioned in my own mind as I was preparing to resign - was "fuck it, get out of this, then everything else'll work itself out" and, miraculously, everything does indeed seem to have worked itself out.

Time has passed. What was frustrating and irritating is now just something that happened once, and I have come to the conclusion - one that everyone else in the world has probably already come to - that I require the following for happiness in the workplace:

1. Work with people who are not twats (and who swear)
2. Be allowed to do my job without having to get into chitchat about politics and all of that
3. Not have to be in the same place at the same time every day without (very) good reason
4. Be able to take pets to work, inc. marmosets with golf balls
5. Not have to spend half the day making a listening face when in fact am thinking about biscuits
6. Have time to do the other stuff I like doing, inc. 'accidentally' watering the heads of people walking under the balcony.

On this final point (i.e., point number 6), I have realised something everyone else probably already knows.  I like a) cooking; b) writing; c) making stupid films feat. talking bears with giant heads.  But being 'successful' (i.e. paid for them, or recognised as being good at them by other people) doesn't matter, because (ta-dah!) the only important thing is that I like doing them, whether I'm good at them or not. (Just as well, frankly.)

There is no doubt that I would very much like to be paid for writing and making films featuring bears with very large heads (I would not want to be paid for cooking as do not want to do washing up etc), but that is unlikely. In the meantime, when I can, I shall be a "freelancer", able to work in my pyjamas at 5am in the morning, if I so wish, and able to write my web-blog and cook things in full business apparel at 3pm in the afternoon, if I so wish.

I think I have cracked it!!!

Pip pip!


P.S. Even if you do not speak French, you may find this film - in which some French Canadians laugh themselves hoarse over a gigantic clam - diverting.


Gumblina said...

i am supposed to be working and just had to do silent giggling that very nearly made me die a bit from not breathing in. even though i don't understant french (despite getting an A in GCSE french, baffling!) that video was very funny. the universal language of knob jokes i guess :)


Gumblina, hello and welcome. You are correct: all across the world, every second, someone is laughing at a knob joke. Including me. I have now watched this film 5 (5) times. Also, anyone laughing makes me laugh.

LutraLutra said...

Darn right NWM, if we can be paid to do work we’re good at and doesn’t make us cry ourselves to sleep every night, and also leaves us enough time and energy to do things that actively makes us happy, then it’s a glorious thing. The whole set office hours thing is very strange. Why should anyone care if anyone else comes in 'late' or leaves 'early', as long as the job gets done? I think it's a hangover from being at school, or a way of establishing the social pecking order. Either way, it's like, really, really, stoopid.

Fairly sure the gigantic clam has made me never want to eat another clam, or have sex, ever again. Although I might change my mind.

PS. Where’s my badge then , eh? Has the post eaten it?

Alison Cross said...

I laughed myself widdly at your 6 requirements! I'm pretty much the same - although not tried watering people from a balcony. One hopes, it was with a watering can?

Does shooting cats with water pistols count as the same thing?

Ali x

punxxi said...

Lutra, I have not gotten a button yet,either. That is neither here nor there...there is a copy of this viddy with english subtitles to it.
It's pretty hilarious because the translation is odd.

Beleaguered Squirrel said...

I laughed so much at the giant clam that actual real tears came out of my eyes.

Is this the same kind of creature that can flip itself aroudn wiuth a giant tongue (as witnessed on your excellent weblog) or was that some other crustacean?

summerofb said...

People are sneaky. Often they can pretend they aren't twats for for just long enough to deceive you into a bad decision. Or they don't seem quite as twatty as they later turn out to be. By crikey you suffer for it afterwards.

It would be nice if it was easier to spot a twat. In the workplace.


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