My mobile telephonic device beeps with the heavy weight of the enquiries it must communicate. "What are your Top Ten records?" "What kind of pantaloons do you wear?" "What is your favourite food and is it biscuits?".
And then the postman comes (late, with half the post eaten by raccoons, for this is Canada): "Dear NWM, Why?", and "Dear NWM, where and how did you meet the French-Canadian veterinary pathologist to whom you are now 'married'?".
Weeks, months and years pass and the questions keep coming from you, my adoring readers and/or fans. Do I answer them? Not directly, no. Sometimes, a curious reader may find something out about me if they are quite a lot in love with me (not my address though, not unless they are going to send me ham in a tin), and if they scour my web-blog with their stalkery razor-sharp reader-eyes, but on the whole I remain relatively privit and share information only when forced and/or drunk.
But all that is going to change. I am going to write an "About" page for this web-blog. Why? Because I am non-working, and because I have nothing else to do other than move my foot around in a gigantic elastic band that smells of chocolate and read cheap novels.
And why do I need your help? Because it is more fun to answer the questions that come spurting out of the crazed (yet intelligent and/or very good looking) minds of you, my adoring readers and/or fans, than it is to make them up myself, that is why.
Come on. Give me what you have got. I am ready for you.
Pip pip!
NWM
P.S. I make no reference to the General Election other than to encourage you to vote, but I will tell you that my brother was at school with George Osborne who, when asked what he wanted to do when he grew up, said "be Prime Minister". It is also an actual fact that he was creepy and a gigantic twat. Yes.
13 comments:
NWM - I would like to know what sort of animal you would choose to have for a servant at Monkey Towers, and why.
(And also - I would like to know the location of my badge - but I suspect you can't answer that one).
I would like to know:
how you arrived at the nwm concept, how you met the vet,what biscuit you would most like to be and why,
where is Welshbird's badge
can I get a badge
what did you do before you were nwm
That is all.
Ali x
Dear nwm,
I would like to know how come Canadians cannot speak more like Brits. We are part of the commonwealth afterall. I would like to know how to sneak in the word, irate for example in everyday conversation. Please advise.
Fondly,
e
Why fez? Do not get me wrong. I am a fez fan, but I fear for its stability. Do you have to attach it with hairpins for example? That is what I would like to know best.
Secondly. Where do you stand on the topic of poutine?
My WV is Pigramp. This makes me unreasonably happy. It has been a long day.
I'd like to know what the capital of London is please?
1. Why Hula Hoops?
2. 3 things that need to be invented.
3. Sting's ultimate fate (deserved).
Please and thank you!
I will admit to some curiosity as to what ever happened to that fat bastard of a cat you were housing in Brixton.
Let's not call me anything at all, the answer to your question is Garibaldi Biscuits. As to the rest of you, I am utterly delighted with these questions and will "get on" to them over the next couple of days. You will see!!!!
Alison - yes you may, for I have a couple left. Email me by privit your address and it will be yours. Welshbird can you do me a maseeeev favour and send me your address again so I can check that I have actually sent it? I sent the first batch about 2 weeks ago but people are just getting them. That is because in Canada, the post is transported across the country by a chain of gigantic beavers. Fact.
NWM - Welshbird = Fee; depending on how I log in.
I am mentally non-working, but also have multiple personalities you see.
Also, Can you name us your top ten dinner party guests, living or dead. Although one would assume they'd be alive at said party...
I thought I'd chip in with a couple of kwesthuns:
1) Have you ever farted loudly in a supermarket (Montreal or elsewhere)?
2) Jam or marmalade?
3) Have you ever been too lazy to take the wrapper off an Opal Fruit (Starburst) and ate it "as is"?
PS: I used to do 3) all the time
what would you do or where would you go if you were invisible for one day?
have you ever been sick through your nose?
any there any circumstances that would justify a genesis reunion (inc Peter gabriel)
who in your esteemed opinion is the biggest preening cockmonkey in advertising?
do you play a musical instrument?
i would like to know WHEN you discovered that you were simian, ditto your family, and how?
and don't you DARE stop writing your blog! it's the highlight of my day!
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