So far, it is a choice between:
1. Cockbiscuits
2. Fuckbutton*
3. Shitstick
4. Assclown
5. Cockmonkey
6. Fuckwit
7. Twat
8. Cock
9. Knob
10. Arsehole
The thing I always want to say to people I dislike is: "You are a fucking arsehole", so I think on balance that my favourite word must be "arsehole" - but for "cockmonkey" which, when combined with "preening", describes Sting absolutely exactly.
What's your favourite word? It doesn't have to be a rude word, although obviously they are often the most pleasing. Sadly, "douchebag" only works from North Americans - and "arsehole" (in English English) seems to be more effective than "asshole" in North American English.
In other news, this has just come on the radio in Canada and made me shout:
As Lloyd Cole-aware readers will be aware, it contains the fine lyric: "I may come to a conclusion other than that which absolutely necessary". I love Lloyd Cole, despite wanting to punch him in the mouth. Also, my French-Canadian husband does a very, very good impersonation of him. (Other singers in his repertoire include Simon Le Bon's peculiar vocal performance in Rio and Michael McDonald, ever unable to forget that he's not in love anymore.)
And now I must go, because the radio is now, having played Lloyd Cole, finishing Situation by Yazoo (known to North Americans as Yaz) and is now - Oh God, it is too late, it is on - playing Wouldn't It Be Good by Nik Kershaw and I am time travelling: yes, it is 1984, and I am 15 and in my O-level year at Godolphin & Latymer. I am surprisingly tall for my age, I hate Nik Kershaw and at lunchtime, we go to the Lyric Theatre in Hammersmith and smoke Silk Cut and have 75p baked potatoes. (You will be interested to know that I got 11 O-Levels, despite my Silk Cut and baked potato habit. For younger readers: O-Levels were what we did before GSCEs. They were difficult, and there wasn't one in media studies.)
* I am aware that there is a popular beat combo called Fuck Buttons, so do not tell me. Also FYI I do not like "bitch" and "cow" at all; they make me flinch.
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12 comments:
non-expletive wise I have always had a great fondness for the word crayon. Expletives that make my heart sing include cockknobber and fuckknuckle. My husband says arsebiscuits which always makes me laugh.
I too love Lloyd Cole. Rattlesnakes does it for me: 'She looks like Eve Marie Saint, in on the Waterfront, she reads Simone De Beauvoir in her American Circumstance.' Sigh! Lloyd, Lloyd, I have no idea what you are talking about. I am fourteen and I live in the Midlands. Nevertheless, you give me goose bumps...
Knobhead. Not you, obviously. I also quite like 'Bumface', mainly because my The Lovely Husband genuinely used to get upset by it so, of course, I'd say it more. It goes quite well preceded with 'Oi'.
Also, Ms Monkey and Ms Boo, you're on your own with Lloyd Cole - I was 21 and hated anything even vaguely chart-like (except, perhaps, Relax by Frankie). In fact I have trouble with most music from the 80s - I will, if forced, watch those nostalgic TV shows and end up shrieking and throwing stuff at it when bloody Haircut 100 turn up with their jumpers over their shoulders. Gah.
'Twunt' makes me happy, as does 'fucktard' (although I choose to see 'fucktard' as not being related to 'retard' because saying 'fucktard' feels great, and I haven't/wouldn't call anyone a retard since I was 9).
When my best friend got married the first time, one of her old school friends she invited to the reception was dating Nik Kershaw. Her wedding was very Scottish with traditional dancing, and the idea of doing the Highland Fling with Nik Kershaw seemed like it might be a high point of epic surrealism. Sadly he couldn’t make it. What a terrible non story that was...
My favourite pronouncement of displeasure at the moment is "arsicles"
In terms of insults, I really like "douchebag", despite it sounding stupid with a British accent.
I was in the first academic year that did GCSEs instead of O levels. Having seen some past O'level papers (there were no GCSE past papers to look at!), I can confirm that GCSEs were much, much easier. My teacher "partner" will argue that GCSEs are skills-based rather than knowledge-based. I remain unconvinced.
Bollockchops does it for me
Strong work there, Punxxi. Tracy, I would expect nothing more: I am now regretting missing "asshat" in particular, although "assmonkey" is also strong (if slightly disrespectful).
KatyBoo, I had forgotten the sweet joy of "arsebiscuits". We shall also have to have privit communications about LC as obv. Mrs Jones is offended by it and we wouldn't want that. I wonder if she also hates The Smiths and New Order, REM and Radiohead. Do you, Mrs Jones? Do you? Do you? DO YOU? Also do you remember in Haircut 100 they had their guitars at eye level like spanners?
LutraLutra as ever, very strong work there - fucktard, oh yes. Oh yes. And I am afraid being disappointed by Nik Kershaw not turning up is much funnier than him turning up, don't you think?
Anx your "partner" is not convincing me either. I cannot for e.g. make shelves but I can probably tell you all the different battles of the English Civil War, translate Racine without a dictionary and tell you whether the root of a word is Latin and Greek, all of which I am sure you will agree are vital life skills. I saw an O-Level paper from the early 60s once mind you and fuck me, they were harder than ours were, I'm sure of it. We should salute our parents.
I once knew a bloke who had to sleep in a queen sized bed with Aled Jones whilst on an unfortunate visit to Bognor Regis! How scary is that? I expect he was wishing Aled wouldn't turn up too. Sadly he was very much there for the duration.
I forgot the ubiquitously funny "bell end"
I still swear by 'dickhead', although only for people who are involuntarily stupid/irritating/in the wrong place at the wrong time. If it's a deliberate act, only 'arsehole' will do. But 'bumface' is coming up on the rails, if you see what I mean. My teenage daughter's epithet of choice is 'you absolute anus!'. And I live for the day - I appreciate this is a bit off the point - when I can say to someone, with complete justification, "Thou look'st like Antichrist in that lewd hat".
Twatface. For example: I saw that twatface Piers Moron on Britain's Got Talent. Then I threw up in my mouth and had to switch it off.
Cuntbubble !
Dick wad.
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