But in that time, you have never seen my REAL FACE. That is because the illustration(s) of me that you seen strewn about the place, drawn by the exquisite Mr Dave Shelton, reflect better who I truly am; they are an exact replica of the mental image I have of myself, jaunty fez and tiny little monkey hands and all.
The truth is darker. But the truth must now be revealed, because there is something that must be shown to you as a matter of some urgency. What is the thing? It is a wedding card, the gift of my beloved colleagues, that is so excellent, so well-done, and so generally brilliant, that keeping it to myself would be like owning the Sistine Chapel ceiling and only opening it once a month for private picnics.
Here it is, front and back. (Regular readers will be familiar with the little monkey in the snow.) And yes, that is me on the front, pulling a face. As you can see, in real life I am very beautiful (almost supernaturally so), and look not unlike a young Peter Sarstedt.
The card is full of Quebec jokes that I will not try and explain but that I get, and that gives me a very nice feeling inside, like Marmite on toast and a nice cup of tea.
Thank you, Jean-Luc and Andrea.
15 comments:
You are even more beautiful than I imagined! Congrats on your wedding.
What I am enjoying about this is that you (dear longtimereader!) have been imagining what I look like!!! The fact remains that is a VERY flattering photograph, despite the fact that I am pulling a face like I am having a surprise colonoscopy. On the other hand, most men do pass out when they meet me, which is why they are unable to talk to me and/or ask me out on dates. The pathologist is different because he is deaf and blind.
Good god woman! You are quite, quite lovely. What a smashing card.
It is indeed a most attractive picture - how clever of you to think of pulling a face that flatteringly sucks in your cheeks and, while you are exactly as beautiful as I imagined, you also look quite impossibly young.
Your colleagues must think a great deal of you, that card displays luurve. Watch out that your emotions do not veer you away from the Non-Working Path of Truth and Happiness.
The card is wonderful
Whilst I don't really understand weddings, I truly hope you enjoy your day. Don't go changin' just because you're married, now will you?
that is indeed a fantastic card and a fantastic photo.. i think you look gorgeous! and yes, we've all been wondering what you look like because you've been keeping it under wraps for so long. you're doing a countdown, how many days till the big one??
Mais Non-Working MonkeyBride, tu est belle!
You have become even beautifuler in the time since I met you! It is not fair! It is supposed to happen the other way around and you are supposed to be old and fat and wizened like a prune!
Pah, I say. Pah.
dear monkey, you are absolutely exquisite!
That's a brilliant card and you do have fantastic colleagues! Lucky you! And you do look far less monkey-like than I had thought. Probably because your fez isn't visible in the photo. And also probably because you ARE actually gorgeous.
Inside I am beautiful, it is true, but I must confess that that picture is extraordinarily flattering, despite the fact that I am pulling a (flattering) face. However, as you are all always right, I shall take your compliments in good faith and thank you kindly for them, forgetting, for a moment, that I haven't bleached my moustache yet.
Nope, all self-deprecating comments are obviously just so much hand-flapping diversion. A picture says a thousand words and all that, and in this case they include not only things like 'Chibougamou' and 'Poutine' but 'by golly that is one very lovely Monkey indeed!'
Also I'm delighted to find I have an inner conviction that you will walk down the aisle pulling that exact face the entire time.
The self haircutting veterinary histopathologist is indeed a lucky man. Beauty and brains in one package. You are an exquisite monkey!
What a shame the link to 'gigantic classical cocks' doesn't work. I am most disappointed.
Didn't ANYONE get the TS Eliot gag? I am heartbroken. Whilst still being very attractive in a muscular kind of way.
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