It is the evening, and I am being picked up from the station. I get in the car.
Pathologist: Is there blood on my face?
Me: Holy fuck. Yes. There, on your forehead, and a bit in your sideburn. I'll get it off.
Pathologist: No no, not with your fingers and spit. I will go to the bathroom and do it.
Me: How ....?
Pathologist: ...There was a splooshy pig today and I was by myself.
Me: Ah.
Regular readers will be aware of previous incidents of this nature, and I can guarantee that this will not be the last.
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8 comments:
I'm sure he is thankful that you didn't do the "momma spit".
A splooshy pig. Hell- whatever that man gets paid it isn't enough. And I don't think I even dare click on the 'previous incidents of a similar nature' clicky thing...
I had that look in my eye. That's why he protested, you see.
Jonathan: he likes it. Usual conversation:
Me: I think my feet smell.
Him: I'm a pathologist.
It's OK the clicky thing, it's just a bit of blood on his nose.
i guess you should be thankful he's a pathologist (of the animal variety) and not a mortician...
May I suggest the purchase of a small container of 'Quickies'? Excellent for removing ice cream, chocolate, blood, etc, and leaving a refreshing smell of eau de cologne.
This is what I used when monkeys were small - not handkerchief and spit as often, but erroneously, claimed.
Splooshy pig. It's a lovely phrase and I think this morning I will apply it to anyone who is deserving of disemboweling. Which will be a lot.
I shall be incorporating 'splooshy pig' into my vocab as well. I think it will get a lot of use.
You must beware the splooshy pig. Second only to the frumious bandersnatch for evil blood spatters.
Also: "Quickies" in Canadia. I do not think it mean what you think it mean... but I know what you mean. If you were to ask The Pathologist if he wants a Quickie, he might react a tad more enthusiastically than your question actually warrants.
A common Canadiaian brand is Wet Ones, which, I just realized, doesn't sound any less suggestive.
Oh, I know, but Quickies were so named long before the current usage of the word and they still exist, also in a nail polish remover version - excellent when Travelling the World.
While admittedly more splooshy, Wet Ones are Not The Same and Not As Good. Quickies, were small discs in a round plastic container and one would be enough to deal with a slightly grubby monkey face, or even a pathologist's bloodied face, without leaving you with a damp tissue thing to dispose of.
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