It may not just be Canada, of course; these things may happen elsewhere too, e.g. North America (general). Many of them may be particular to French Canada. Either way, they are making me remark upon their difference! Here we are:
Lunch at midday (or earlier) when you have started work at 9. Too early.
Dinner at 6pm. Also too early.
Michael Ignatieff. Not on BBC2 talking cock about Ian McEwan's latest: no. Now he is on the television news speaking bad French, running for leader of the Liberal Party and everyone is laughing.
Eggs in the refrigerator cabinet, and screams of horror when they find out we keep them on the shelf. Why?
Over 100 varieties of Philadelphia cheese. Why?
Tidiness. People get in a mardy bate about for e.g. 1 piece of paper on the street. They have obviously not been to most of Europe, especially London.
No sense that you are going to be stabbed to death on the street at any moment. Very relaxing.
People not drunk and vomiting on the street in the evenings after the pubs. People having fun and that (well, in Montreal anyway); just not behaving like dicks.
No-one really gives a shit about celebrities, unless you are in Quebec and Céline Dion is in the house.
Dull newspapers; limited media. They may have better things to do - but an interesting newspaper is something I miss very much indeed! (And I'm not talking about The Daily Express - which most certainly is not "The World's Greatest Newspaper".)
It is very cold. When they say "it's cold" they mean "it's cold" (like -9 in November with a wind chill factor of -15), not "it's cold" English style, i.e. "it's a bit nippy and I'm out in Newcastle without my tights on". Also, they do not moan about the weather like English people do; they merely remark upon it in a non-astonished style.
There isn't any old stuff. Well, there is, but it's only seventeenth century or something and there's not much of it. This makes me very confused sometimes and when I visit Europe again I just stare at old things (not MonkeyMother and MonkeyFather!!!) and feel strange.
Mobile phone technology; in fact, technology generally. I am not talking about handsets and that!! I am talking about the networks; the way the lady talks to you; the amount of buttons you have to press to simply pick up a message. That sort of stuff.
Pointless fashion. There is not much 'fashion' in that stupid Grazia way as far as I can see. Even the best dressed people look sensible. You don't get many of those "are you wearing a fancy dress?" type clothes you sometimes get in London offices. It is nice, but then when you could die of hypothermia just by standing outside without your shoes on for 3 minutes in the deep winter, perhaps it makes sense.
Fruit salad. Jesus wept. Fruit salad is OK for breakfast but it must be contained!!! I do not want fruit salad on the same plate as my omelette. Nor my scrambled eggs and bacon. And certainly not with my smoked salmon. But there is ALWAYS fruit salad, and there is always rubbish melon in it! It is weird. And you can't say "no fruit salad" because that looks like you are not healthy.
Toast racks. They do not have them here and they laugh when I show them mine. I cannot see why.
I am sure there will be more things that will come into my mind (e.g., "Why Is Skippy Peanutbutter?"), but for the moment I must sit back in my armchair, adjust my fez, and pull on my maple pipe and wish to fuck there was something good on the telly.
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13 comments:
it was the same in australia, monkey!
only there, they had hideous home-made channels full of ghastly women talking about the latest washing powder, or telling us how to make dim sums, and calling them dim sims.
ugh!
You are so right about ALMOST everything you wrote! The cold thing doesn't really apply out here in the Vancouver area, though, and when I was growing up, my mom had dinner on the table at 5 pm. Also, I think that Stephen Harper as an object of laughter still tops Michael Ignatieff (guess who I didn't vote for in the recent federal election!).
But I have to emphasize that I truly don't get those English toast racks. Cold, hard toast just isn't that appetizing to this Canadian (just picky, I guess)
To sort out some of the North America (general) vs French Canada (specific) stuff.
Lunch at midday when you started work at 9 - you jammy bastard Monkey you! 9?? 8 is standard here, and I show up at mumblemumblemumblebefore7ish due to idiocy (on my part). 9 indeed.
Dinner at 6 - acos it gets dark up thar right? 'Round here 8ish is more standard. Okay, standard for me. But I am vitally important which is what matters.
Michael personny thing - don't have 'im, don't want 'im.
Eggs - due to factory hen egg thingies and law suits. Refrigerate your eggs or The World Will End
Philly Cheese - dunno really, have one ginormous brick in the refrigerator for bagels and use in omelets. All else is vanity.
Tidiness - HA! Not 'round these parts. Came back from Germany and had to do a hands-on-hips-AND-sniff due to the extreme mankiness of the NA streets.
stabbed to death - HA! Again. See us featured on Cops! We have photogenically stoopid violent criminals!
not drunk and vomiting - are you quite sure you're on the right continent? Also apply to celebrities comment
Lack of old stuff - there's me... also my city has Old Town which is rilly, rilly old. Like, erm, 300 years or so. Only it was made out of mud which melts a bit when it rains and stuff so this version is probably only about 50 years. Still.
Fruit Salad - unique to French Canada (or at least not found in these parts). However if it comes on a plate (Or a Styrofoam tray thingy) it will be smothered in green chile and if you ask that it not you will be mocked.
Toast racks - is too early. Am picturing fabulously be-bosomed crispy bread. Naturally it is HOT and not COLD and has warm drippy butter on because that is what nature intended.
Why don't people understand about toast racks?
If you put fresh toast in a rack and serve it immediately, it is hot and crispy. If you put it flat on a plate, it is warm and sweaty.
Poor Fools!
P.S. I am not exactly old, yet. Don't you have to be 60+ to qualify, or am I deluding myself?
P.P.S. I don't mind the fruit salad, except for that terrible melon.
Dinner at 5 is tea, Pinklea, and only suitable for schoolchildren and people who started work before 7 am.
I agree with everything and apologize for the toast rack thing.
Supper on the table at 5 is fine when one of you doesn't work outside the home, but is impossible when neither of you gets off work until 5.
This is a lesser understood concept by the males of my acquaintance, who mourn the loss of their stay-at-home-mommies with their 5 o'clock meals. Bah.
It's all very well eating at 5, or even 6, but then do you all go to bed at 8.30? Or do you eat again before going to bed at a grown-up time? I just don't understand.
Why would we go to bed at 8:30?
Some people have a light "bed-time snack" but not everyone does.
Most people here eat meals at 8ish, noon, and 5ish, give or take, allowing for work schedules and such. How or why this changed after we crossed the Atlantic, I am at a loss to explain.
Found my way here via the WBC and I laughed when I read this post! As a Canadian on my way to continue my immersion in Europe, it's so funny to read it from the other side. I miss the ever-present fruit salad ;-)
Oh, and tag. (Apologies in advance, first time commenting and I've tagged - how bold!?)
My mum used to fancy that Michael Ingnatieff. The thinking woman's, um, nut loaf perhaps?
Thank you monkeymother for enlightening re: toastracks. Although I think they are best used when you have a dining table, not when you eat standing over the toaster ;-)
Also - fruit salad and sausages? Dear god no! But what is the pink goo? Fromage frais? Yoghurt? And with the sausages? NO!
What's a mardy bate? Sounds like a mysterious baked good.
The egg thing, dead easy: salmonella. Ask the public health nurse (they must have them in Quebec) about the wisdom of keeping eggs on a shelf. I'm sure you'd get an earful...
Fruit salad must be a French thing. You can get fruit salad here in Ottawa if you like, but it's not ubiquitous.
I am in complete agreement with you about the Philadelphia cheese (by which I'm assuming you mean cream cheese). Plain is lovely, but strawberry? dill? blueberry? Ugh.
Re: the paper on the street. Because they're filthy in London, we must all be? Don't quite follow the reasoning, my dear.
There really isn't any old stuff, and the further west you go, the newer it all gets, which is why Canadians wander around Europe with looks of bemused wonder on our faces.
McEwan is highly over-rated. Ignatieff? Undecided on him just yet. (Harper, on the other hand? An embarrassment.)
As for the cold. You're in Montreal, and you've gotten to -15? You're only just beginning to feel "cold". Bwah-ha.
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