We are dining in a 'ress-trundt', as Ramsay would say. It is a bit fancy, i.e. there are tablecloths, waiters, more than one knife and fork, etc. I am with my companion and 'life partner', a French-Canadian veterinary research pathologist who cuts his own hair and likes bats. He is one hundred per cent bilingual, but still foreign; in other words he has an accent."Here, they give you bread with tongues."
I am astonished! In my head is bread and next to it a small rectangular dish bearing larks' tongues, all lined up in a row and garnished* with some curlyparsley. "Tongues?".
"Yes. Tongues."
Suddenly it is getting much worse. Now in my head the waiters are bringing the bread to the table in a basket; they line up and then somehow flick the bread from the basket onto our plates using their tongues, which are like giant versions of what lizards have curled in their heads.
I am going a bit red in the face, and I am starting to get quite angry. This is not making any sense at all!!!
"What do you mean, they put the bread on our plates with tongues? What are you talking about?".
The pathologist makes a pincer movement in the air with his microscope-manipulating scientistfingers. "Tongues! Tongues! You pick things up with them!".
I fall silent. We drink the wine. The waiter comes with bread.
* vile word, like 'notepaper' and 'pardon'.
9 comments:
asta:
My father-in-law (also French Canadian) was most upset that the waitress in a New York restaurant repeatedly questioned his dessert order
A piece'a'pie.
What?
A piece'a'pie.
You sure?
Yes
Okay what kind?
Whatever you got.
She brought a large cheese pizza to the table.
I like bats too! But I am not self-hair-cutting.
I love love love that vision of waiters with giant curled serpent tongues and am officially imaging all waiters with those now.
I ended up in considerable trouble in my early days in France mixing up washing powder and street slang for heroin and more surreally, teddy bear and sea urchin. This one bad for babysitting.
'so, does he have a special sea urchin?'
thank god - I thought I was the only one left who becomes distressed by some words.... certainly my "charming" teenagers consider it weird and offensive that "drizzle" (when referring to food) and "bijou" (property) make my toes (and lip)curl
Ha! I knew exactly what he meant from the first.
Not that I have an accent, or anything.
At least the bread would be moist, if served with tongues.
Garnished isn't so bad. Say it like a 'Mercan and you get GARRRRRRRRRRRRnished which is halfway to pirate speak anyway. We're far more swashbuckling than given credit for. I personally am rarely seen without my eyepatch (tastefully adorned with pave diamonds for evenings natch).
Arrrrr! Yes. We is pirates. PIRRRRRRRRATES!
What?
Henri. There is nothing wrong with you.
That is all.
Post a Comment