Whilst I wait I am filling the time with some useful activities, including shovelling snow, losing mittens and noting how the "news" in Canada is in fact what people in other countries would describe as "the weather report". I am also making bread and jam with my tiny little monkey hands.
I am now really good at making bread thanks to NPR, the second-greatest radio station in the world (after BBC Radio 4). We were driving somewhere in some 'light snow' (trans. for British readers: blizzard) and these people came on the radio talking about not kneading and leaving the dough in the fridge for three weeks and all sorts of other shit. I thought it was too good to be true. It was not. It was shit that I subsequently found out really works. It is here.
There is no excuse to make any more jam, though; there are ten jars, and two of us. I have made raspberry and apricot. (Do not leave stupid comments asking me where I got the fruit from.) The raspberry is pathetic, but the apricot is good and were it more liquid, I would be drinking it up with a straw.
I have also made marmalade to an ancient family recipe but I have not yet decided if it is any good and so, whilst I decide if it is worth labelling, do please feel free to enjoy some recent photographs: one of jam and one of bread. (Eagle-eyed Carly Simon fans will see a 'hidden joke' just for them!).
(I added seeds and shit to the recipe above. It still worked.)
Good Lord - what is that noise? It sounds exactly like a busful of monkeys listening to Take That.
Must dash.
Pip pip!
NWM
14 comments:
Where did you get the fruit from?
My crack.
You're so vain, I bet you think this post is about you. ;)
Raspberry / Crack - so predictable
Q: What is a Monkey's favourite jam
A: APE-ricot
I thank you....
Hang on, hang on, hang the FUCK on.
You did all that fandango? The brick, the broiler, the pizza whatever? Do you run a bakeware shop just for monkeys? Or do you visit Divertimenti twice a year and do a trolley dash?
I'm just saying...
No, fool.
1. The bottom half of a tagine. Ceramic. Heats up nicely.
2. Brick? Naah.
3. Broiler? don't know what the fuck that is either. I think it's a grill.
I used an oven, a baking tray for the water, and a big square Tupperware box.
I don't think they have Divertimenti in Canada.
Like i say. Piss easy. Although I did spend $7 on a pizza stone once I'd realised I really WAS going to make bread a lot because the recipe really DOES work and is REALLY FUCKING EASY, like 5 minutes (max) to mix it and 1 min (max) to get it ready to bake it....
Very strong work Asta.
Philip - I also grow roses in my crack. And you are right; Ape-ricot has always been my favourite.
I once knew a girl who worked in a hotel. She said that all they gave the staff to eat was three day-old bread and expired apricot jam (in those little containers).
Why? Because that's what was left over, as all right-thinking people know that apricot jam is vile and horrid.
The kind of hotel that feeds its staff three day old bread and leftover jam in little containers is unlikely to be the kind of hotel visited by "right-thinking people", whatever the fuck they are.
Mmmmmmmm Apricot jam is my absolutely bestest favouritest flavour, (grammar bad enough do you think?)
If you have any left over and want to, oh maybe, ship it back to Blighty, then I could certainly give it a good home...just a thought.
I like apricot jam very much, but my favouritest ever fruit for jam is the humble blackcurrant, so if you have any in your crack you should definitely be making the jam with them too.
Ew. Crack jam.
Have you flown your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia yet? Just wondering...
NWM, sometimes you leave me with my mouth dropped open and speechless. It must be my dull wit that makes it so.
Anyway, I didn't realize you were such a domestic kitchen Goddess, although I vaguely remember something to do with pumpkin, but I thought that was a fluke to impress the pathologist.
Homemade jam is the best, but why is it always so runny that it slides off the bread and onto your most favorite sweater?
I agree on the straw bit, except when you get to the chunky bits, you would have to smash those up really well first. I bet I could sip up a jar in one sitting.
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