There is a thing called Meet Up. "Whatever your interests. Wherever you are", it proclaims. “A convenient, non-threatening way to connect to other people who share similar interests and live nearby", screams Time Magazine, excitedly.
I am quite interested in it because I am new to French Canadia and do not yet have hundreds of friends (like I do in Britain, except they are crashing bores, which explains in part why I moved here in the first place). But which group to join?
The Laval Grooming and Nutrition Meetup Group
Sadly, this is for puppies, so I do not think they will be able to tell me where to get a thorough ladywax.
The Montreal Swissophile Meetup Group
If this is about neutrally eating Toblerone, I'm there.
Single women in words & media: Bookish group
I would rather pluck my eyes out with my tiny monkey hands and eat them than spend any time at all with a group of people who would describe themselves as 'single women in words & media'. (And anyway, I wouldn't join a Book Group if you paid me, let alone join something described as a "Bookish group".)
However, I may go just to suggest that we read The Well Of Loneliness. With any luck, it'll give them some ideas, create a lively 'session' and solve the problem of some of them being single, all in one go. Result.
Take Control of Your Future Career
Now you're talking!!!
"The Secret Behind the Secret" on Big Screen-- 2nd showing in Montreal
Might go to this as I am keen to see how people stupid enough to read and believe The Secret go about coping with everyday life, e.g. driving a car, attaching the velcro strips on their shoes, operating a Microwave, etc.
The Montreal Chihuahua October Meetup
That's more like it. Sadly I do not have a Chihuahua. I think they are having a Halloween party I hope it goes well. (I am not being sarcastic. This is exactly what this sort of thing should be about.)
Lovers and Other Strangers - Poetry Evening: Lovers and others: An evening of poetry on the theme of love, union and relationshiops
Sounds like a fucking belter.
Australian Culture Meetup
I fear someone is pulling our leg!
Body Modification Meetup
"Hi. I am looking to meet people that are into amputations (fingers, toes) in the montreal area."
I am definitely not going to that one.
I am reluctant to join a British Expats one for reasons that do not need explanation, but cannot decide whether to start one myself or not. I have been thinking about it a bit and came up with this:
"British People Who Couldn't Give A Fuck That You Can't Buy Marmite In Canada, Listen To Radio 4 On Their Computer, Smoke A Small Clay Pipe And Like French-Canadian Veterinary Research Pathologists Meetup".
What do you think? (It has a certain ring to it, I'm sure you will agree.)
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20 comments:
how long does it take a monkey such as yourself to get a thorough ladywax? do they charge you more? i mean, on account of your hairiness.
this is just one of the reasons that the internet disturbs me greatly. facebook groups sound less scary and creepy.
Have you changed the sort of greeny-bluey-aqua colour on your links, or is it my new glasses? Either way I think it looks good.
How about "British People Who Do Not Want to be Defined by a Group But Would Quite Like Some Nice New Non Mental Friends Please"?
*sounds like a fucking belter*
hahahahahah!!
I am reading this at the till. People are looking at me.
You forgot the absinthe - very important bit of additional info I think. I have a co-worker who went to a "Wiccan people who also want to sit around in co-op grocery stores [organic cheese section] and thump drums while they mispronounce gaelic lyrics at top voice" meet up but I opted out. Do you think there's one for "people who are simply dying to hand out lots of lovely money to highly deserving strangers?"
*cough*
I would join it in a heartbeat. Yours that is. Obv.
The "Chihuahua October" group sounds dangerous. Like Black September, with tiny dogs. Stay away, or you may find yourself involved in a coup attempt at the next Montreal Cat Show.
Oh yes I loved the fucking belter one.
I got asked to join a mastectomy support group, I declined cos I couldn't stop sniggering.
stumbled here accidentally whilst searching for other monkey related content... you poor thing! honestly MUST you be in Quebec? Those people are so uncivilized. Pop across the border to Ottawa...much nicer.
Laurie – don’t be impertinent.
Kermit – you love it, you dirty thing.
Bluefluff – yes, I think so. I am glad you approve, dear thing.
Working Kitten – yes. That’s it. Can you help?
Jonathan M – you can have that for free.
Megan – No there isn’t but don’t let that stop the extremely high quality of comment that continues to spurt from your willing fingers.
Asta – I know.
Miss Tickle – of course.
Johnnyboy – I know you. You’re the one with the Bichon Frise, aren’t you?
Apprentice – the worst thing is that the person running it is doing a fucking PhD on what it means to be single. And she wonders why she isn’t getting it?
NWM, my sister has been living in the Canada for some time now, and I am certain that, while she has not to date attended any meetups (unless there is an Irish People Who Couldn't Give A Fuck That You Can't Buy Tayto In Canada, Drink Champagne Daily and Like French-Canadians That Are Also A Bit Greek Meetup) she has still managed to make about a hundred friends, although many of them quite mental. Anyway, she blogs at queenshiv.blogspot.com betimes, and lives in Montreal, so she does. Yes, well, that is all.
Damn these spurting fingers... keyboard v. messy indeed.
Um... you CAN buy Marmite here in Montreal - we're far more civilised than anyone thinks you know and some of us even understand British accents... some even HAVE them...
Fiona. I like the sound of your sister. If I pay her, will she be my friend?
Queen Shiv - you sound awfully cross, darling. Bad morning?
LOL - horrified at the idea of being without marmite in Montreal - that's all. Didn't mean to sound snarky. I'm Fiona's champagne-swilling sister actually - and happy to arrange a hundred-mental-mates meetup for you if you like.
I got Marmite for you, Shiv. Want to see it?
LOL - you can buy Marmite at Latina on St Viateur... so if you're in the 'hood buying bagels it's just a few doors up...
Oh but wait - you found some then?
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