I am at lunch with someone I have not met before. For work.
My lunch companion leans over confidentially and says, apropos of nothing, "How old are you, Katy? I'm thinking you're probably about the same age as me?"
I think: "Not on your life, or at least not unless you are considerably younger than you look, lady."
But it would be rude to say this out loud. So what I say is:
"I don't know, Lunch Companion, how old are you?"
"Oh goodness that is a question," simpers Lunch Companion. "Ha ha ha ha. Let's just say... approaching 40."
I blink.
"Well, that is most certainly accurate," I say slowly.
"I can always tell a lady of a certain age," twinkles Lunch Companion.
"... in the sense that I am 31."
Lunch Companion's roguish twinkle congeals into a mortified leer.
"Oh," she says faintly.
"And therefore," I continue, "your guess that 40 is still ahead of me is correct."
"I am so -"
"Quite a long way ahead of me."
"I really didn't -"
"I must say I prefer to think of it as leaving 30, myself."
"Oh, Katy -"
"I think we'll have the bill now," I say distantly.
Sure, NWM wanted us to write about our holidays. But I'm not at school anymore. Yeah? And if NWM is going to go all nanny-state on our asses and try to control the parameters of the debate - yeah? - then the way I see it is, she shouldn't have given me the keys to her blog. Know what I mean?
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12 comments:
When she said that she was approaching 40, you should have said "Really? From which direction?"
That joke, of course, courtesy of Groucho Marx.
LOL
I hate when people say 'Guess how old I am.' Oh God! And then when you say something absurd like 'I dunno, 25?' they say 'Don't be silly, go on, have a proper guess.'
Arrrrrrgggghhh.
I remember a time (alas, when I was quite young) when a gentlemen did not inquire nor guess at a lady's age, and no woman (lady or not) would ever have asked it of another.
Because it would have invited precisely such a later recounting as yours.
Which was delicious. Serves the biddy right.
Katy, I am thoroughly impressed by your self-containment and come-back-ability. Myself, I would simply have blustered and apologised. For her insensitivity you understand. My fault. Obviously.
How old do you think I am? Go ahead. Guess. ;)
(I actually was going to make the "approaching 40 from which direction" joke, but Salvadore got there first.)
Did that REALLY happen, Katy or are you telling tales again? ;)
I have a customer who often begins a sentence, "of course when you get to our age" or refers to "people our age" - the other day he came in to proudly show me his new Freedom bus pass.
"then the way I see it is, she shouldn't have given me the keys to her blog. Know what I mean?"
LOL! And oh, I am so lamentably law-abiding.
As for age... I couldn't give a rat's arse how old I or anybody else am/is. So when I get asked that question I am always honest, whether about myself or someone else. And when they / I get it wrong, I just shrug and laugh. Sometimes I look old, sometimes I look young. Just like everyone else.
I'm 38, by the way. Looking forward to 40. And Katy, what a whippersnapper you are! You look at least 60*.
*I've never actually seen or met Katy.
Oh God, Katy, please tell me your Lunch Companion wasn't having a liquid lunch of absinthe and wearing a fez. That would be too much!
NWM is still on hoiday, right?
Well done, you!
I lurve it when people say 'What? You're a Grandmother!' So, I mention my grandchildren at every possible opportunity.
Until, that is, when they stop saying it!
oooooooh...*fights urge to read rest of blog posts from behind a protective cushion* Just told NWM that I was sure her blog was in good hands...what the hell do I know anyway?
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