What is this? There is a man by the side of the road! He is shouting with his silent mouth. It appears that he is saying WATCH OUT, THERE IS A BEAR!!But this cannot be true. There are no bears in France, not even small ones.
Look! It is definitely not true. If there were bears in the vicinity (even small ones), the real sheep of this shepherd would be skittish.
What is that man saying in the background? URSINE ALERT? That is a bit strange.
Shitting hell! There is a bear! It has very mad eyes that are rolling in different directions. It is fearsome, and one of its eyes is trained in a specific direction.
What is it looking at?
Oh no! It is looking at some sunbathing people who are fully dressed. They do not appear to have seen the bear, otherwise they would be looking more worried.
I really hope the bear is actually looking at something else, e.g. a postman with a piece of paper saying "Sarkozy" taped to his cap.
Shitting hell. The fucking bear can definitely see them. I am running for help."Au secours!", I will shout when I run. That is French for "help!".
Jesus wept. I am really shouting BEARS OVER THERE!, but these people do not care about the killer bear on the loose. They only care about encouraging turnout in the local elections.
This man does not care either, despite the fact that I am shouting very loudly.He is just happy that he has done a wee in the voting booth.
These two looked like they cared for a bit, but they do not really. They only care about their new love-affair, despite the fact that she is thirty years older than him and will not take off her headscarf during 'relations'.
Oh dear. I think we are all going to die. Here comes the bear. He is very angry. Ow! Get off, bear!
Jesus Christ, bear! I said GET OFF.
Idiot.
9 comments:
Good story. will you come back at bedtime?
I've always wondered about the scarf thing - I look like a gang banger when I try to wear a scarf -others look, how do you say eeet? Ah...chic.
I actually and literally do not know what to say in response to your assertion that you look like "a gang banger" when you "try to wear a scarf". I cannot see how this can be so! I do not really think of gang bangers wearing scarves!
On the other hand, this is pretty much my favourite comment in weeks, so I will let it pass.
I may be back at bedtime. It depends how it goes with the porridge.
To be fair, I think this blog is now rubbish.
Wow, NWM, you wrote your book! On your holidays?!
Impressive or what?
You are wrong. This blog is the best thing since sliced bread. White, brown or granary.
And the bear is simply the tip of the iceberg.
I had no idea la France was so exciting.
Seriously. I'm a genius. I attract bears too. That is how I can make France interesting AND write a story, all at the same time. Well done me!
They do this in the Lake District, too. I keep forgetting to write about it. Strange not-people standing and sitting by the roadsides, saying and doing nothing in their Sunday best.
And animals, too.
Most odd.
JESUS CHRIST, CLAIRE. WRITE ABOUT IT NOW.
I need evidence that it is not just me that sees this weird stuff.
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