But neither regular readers nor I were aware that the clogdancer has been replaced with a lusty sex-addict!!!!! For the last four hours there has been a very large amount of whooping and squeaking, interspersed with a rhythmic banging of bed against wall. All falls silent; seconds later the frantic banging (and I am referring to headboard-against-wall, not the other kind!!!), starts again, interspersed with the odd lusty shout. Then crashing; running up and down the corridor (apparently naked, but wearing boots), the slamming of doors; and then the bed being moved around, as if they will get better purchase if their feet are facing South!!!
I am not averse to holding hands with gentlemen callers and even - very occasionally, if it is their birthday or somesuch - lying in the same bed (with a bolster down the middle, naturally, and after having ensured that the gentleman has been disinfected). But this is madness! Tomorrow I must be up and fresh, ready to sell tat on bridges wearing an orange shirt (or jaunty pretend crown - I have not yet decided, although I know that to wear both would be de trop), in honour of the birthday of Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands, and at this rate I will barely be able to drag myself from my bed! (But not like the two sexy addicts upstairs!!!!)
But wait!!! Perhaps this is a Dutch tradition that is new to me: Heineken and kaas-fuelled lovemaking, to celebrate the glorious conception of Her Majesty? If so, I am suprised - but it makes sense, in a way!!!
Either way, I feel it is incumbent upon me to say (as it is now 4am precisely, and the lovemaking continues apace*): "Happy Birthday, Queen Beatrix!" And here, in celebration, is a particular favourite from my collection of photographs of Trixie (as I like to call her in our private moments):
* I am sure they are very young and have consumed a lot of cheese, well known for its energy-giving properties!!!
12 comments:
it looks like she is making small farty sounds with her clasped hands (and finding it amusing also)
It must have been bad. I know how you dislike the use of the exclamation mark!!!
P.S. Could you bring some of that cheese for monkeypapa?
MM - don't be disgusting.
Anna - I think she would be just like that, and also like cake!
Hurl a bucket of cold water under the door, that'll cool them off.
What a cheery Queen. Not keen on the hair though, it gives me awful Maggie T flashbacks.
It's not the cheese!! (darn exclamation marks are frighteningly contagious.)
Because I am a responsible internet time waster I read not only clever and informative blogs, but drift past BBC news now and again to see if there are any really vital things for me to know and...
There most certainly is!
Watch your clog-wearing neighbor closely tomorrow for signs of eye-brow raising or rump presentation. Then back away quickly 'cause that sort of thing is just Not Nice.
I liked this bit best:
"as if they will get better purchase if their feet are facing South!!!"
Apart from that I may have pedantic points to make about conception and birth.
Or I may not.
Oh help oh help oh help, I have got caught in an endless loop of reading people's blogs instead of doing work. On the plus side, it means I read your rather-very-funny-actually-indeed blog posts, but on the not-plus side, it means I am not working. But hang on a mo, why is that a not-plus? I must read some more blogs and reflect on the matter with much care and great thought.
I just noticed that the hair is packed in such a smooth hard mass that it actually reflects light.
That feature alone is cause for celebration !
When you look at those cheeks they really are rather scary. She looks like Jack Nicholson's 'Joker' with the makeup removed.
I think she's perfectly charming. You'd want her to come shopping with you. (It occurs to me you might also like her to do the paying...)
She certainly does have very impressive hair. It has its own halo, which in turn makes her look like a cardboard cut-out. I'm sure there must be some advantage to having hair which makes you look likea cardboard cut-out. Particularly if you are a queen. Like, for instance, you could go shoplifting, and when you walk out of the shop and set the alarms off, you just stand still outside the shop. Everyone will run past you, assuming you are some kind of monarchical display.
So yes, she would be great to go shopping with!
Buddha! You could hammer nails home with that hairdo.
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