We work through the weekend and through the night; in the morning, we are on an aeroplane bound for Milan, but not before waiting on the tarmac in Schipol for up to and including ninety minutes while we look for someone's purse.
"Your bags will be searched, and there will be police at our destination!", squeak the cabin crew. In Milan, two policemen loll against the bottom of the stairs and smoke a cigarette; it is 28 degrees hot.
After that, we are driven across Italy by a man who sends text messages at 150 kilometres per hour whilst I attempt to finish what I have started on my lap-top computer. (I never was the sort to do my homework on Friday night, and I never will be.) I feel sick. The person I am with is feeling peaky. I breathe through my nose.
Some time later, we are put in a meeting room that would be used in a film about the history of Italian industrial architecture. We do the presenting from my lap-top computer with the lights dimmed, eating salty biscuits. Two of our spectators are charming and polite; one is unknown; the other rolls his eyes when the one of the nice ones talks. He is clever, but very cross.
We continue with our chat of wafer and crisps. There is nodding through the part the person I am with is doing; when I have stopped talking, the cross man snorts and shakes his head.
"I disagree with you one hundred per cent. You are ONE HUNDRED PER CENT wrong."
This is bad news. I have had the figure set at "82% WRONG" since 1994!
Whatever next?!
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14 comments:
enidd worked at a company once where her boss demanded 150% commitment. she didn't work there long.
Did you say that you disagreed with him 110% "no jinxseys no returnses".
Then you would have won, obviously.
Surely this makes you so wrong that you're right?
Anyone can say you are 100% wrong. Only ever listen to people who then tell you convincingly why you are wrong. Doubt you've worked with many of those, particularly in newspapers C
No no! Fling your long monkey arms in the air and shout "Finally! Perfection!" I mean, who's ever %100 anything these days? Damn fine effort on your part I think.
Well said, Megan! I'm beginning to think I should adopt you.
But I know that NWM is almost always RIGHT (although never more than 100%, for obvious reasons), so the man is obviously a cretin.
I've never even got 82% for anything. The sun must shine for you where the dang sun don't usually shine!
monkeymother its an oxymoron,yas?
I like Megan's answer :-)
Dear NWM, you couldn't buy that kind of endorsement - from the way you describe the person, it sounds like an endorsement to me.*
Furthermore, I hope that everyone from your group just looked at each other and burst out laughing.
* Also, listen to the way his brain works! "I DISAGREE with you - therefore YOU are WRONG!" You are SO LUCKY that you don't work with this man.
Look at the bright side - it can't possibly get worse, unless of course you are presenting to enidd's old boss.
In conclusion, Sweet Readers, I am so wrong, and yet so right.
This is the absolute truth.
I love you all and cannot reply to your comments as a) they are too funny and b) they are not the sort of thing that one replies to, other than to go: "yeah, nice one!".
I kss you all.
you're wel below the rate of inflation, so i think you are a bargain!
(unlike my spelling)
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