In the olden days, I worried about many things. This meant I could never sleep, which meant I worried more. Things I worried about included:
1. I am going to die alone, definitely.
2. And when I die, I will die having done nothing of any import.
3. They smile at me, but secretly they hate me.
4. I shouldn't have said that thing in 1987.
5. Why does soap make the bubbles go away?
6. I am not like other people, and not in a good way
7. Will I ever be able to jump up and down in front of a mirror without puking on my feet?
8. Even if I die when I am 86, it is unlikely that I will be able to read more than 10,000 more books
9. Despite the fact of my fancy job and title, any minute now I am going to be found out
10. If I hadn't said that thing in 1987, I would be happy now
11. Surely it must be better than this
12. I wish the cat would die.
Anyway, time has passed and now I lie awake at night worrying about different things. Last night, they included:
1. An 11 x 4m inflatable packet of crisps
2. Argentinian whisky
3. Posters in Italian motorway caffs
4. Who are the bigger twats, KLM ("savoury or sweet?") or Air Canada ("ice cream?")
5. Whether it's worth investing 30 Euro in a crutch at the medical supplies shop up the road on the offchance of an upgrade on Friday
6. Whether the name of a biscuit translates into English
7. Pacman
8. Pathology.
I'm not sure what's worse, frankly.
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16 comments:
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i too lie awake thinking of pacman
30 buckeroons for a crutch is well worth it. Or go the whole hog and invest in a colostomy bag (half-filled with casserole and worn outside the clothes). You should find a direct correlation between the amount you are willing to belittle yourself and the quality of your upgrade.
at least there's less about death now... just a bit weirder.
I think you are missing home, which is understanable. kaz xx
I am most assuredly NOT missing home, of that I am QUITE sure! But thank you for your kind words.
Bo diddly - I will do anything for an upgrade,even pretend I need a lift on the trolley with the flashing lights.
Definitely get the crutch - can't you borrow from the Red Cross?
Ask for the golf cart (or at least wheelchair) to the gate (do it in advance - may need a medical certificate for the cart, but we both know someone who can oblige and she might even be able to get a crutch). You'll definitely get the wheelchair, but ask for one to meet you the other end too.
Wear very tidy clothes, no trainers and definitely no plastic bags, especially duty free.
Get to airport early for check-in, do a lot of hopping and ouching at the desk. Ask for an aisle seat so that you can stretch our your leg.
All of this will ensure an upgrade. If not I'm a monkey's uncle, which will be a huge surprise to us all.
I see definite growth there NWM, rest assured you will attain nirvana.
Just don't let Pamela Connolly get you onto that couch, she's dig up and shrink wrap that pathology thing for sure.
As Morrissey once said:
Why pamper life's complexities when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat
Just worry about bringing lots of warm clothes. Spring went into retreat yesterday. There's even talk of snow for Thursday. gah
Don't think I dismiss your other insomniac worries, but the travel thing seemed the most pressing.
Don't forget your vest.
i think you have a beautiful mind.
Yes, that's all very well, but what's the name of the biscuit? I'm going to lie awake wondering about it now.
What cat? Cats are cool ...
Sophie. My cat who, like all cats, is a cretin.
Mr Farty - cannot say as is New Product for the Italy.
Lucy - I am a drunk.
MM - in truth it occupies 90% of insomniac worries, but drinking one whole bottle wine whilst lying down helpss a lot I find
Asta - aaargh!
Apprentice - a pathologist. Better? Is it? do you think? I think Nirvana is realising that really there is not much point in worrying as it is the most terrible waste of energy.
Andre - exactly, my friend. Exactly.
get the crutch - because you're worth it
If it's a Canadian pathologist I hope it's better?
too late! No crutch! But a bad rear seat, with perhaps no neighbour. All may be well.
Dearest A, there was nothing wrong in the first place, but thank you for your kind words.
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