This does not often happen! I was last Definitely Busy on 21st November. But now I am Busy again, exactly one month later! I must therefore revert to Speed-O-Blog, introduced on 21st November and still, it seems, very useful.
The France
I am going there tomorrow on the aeroplane via the Pink Elephant Long Stay Carpark at Stansted. In France I will mainly be eating brussels sprouts and cake, sleeping and doing my new hobby, which is called "Crap Running".
Crap Running
Weeks and weeks of endless exercise and bread avoidance but NOTHING. Then suddenly - since my return from the Canada - sudden weight loss. Endlessly puzzling, and can only be ascribed to Crap Running, which works like this.
You go somewhere where you can run (outdoors or on a treadmill, as you wish), and run as much as you can until you can't run anymore. (At the beginning it will be about 30 seconds.) Then you walk. You keep doing it for a long time, over weeks and that. Then the running bits get longer and the walking bits get shorter. Then they join up and you are running for entire joined-up minutes, but are not dead. It is Incredible.
Everyone else has always known about running being brilliant but I as usual 'discover' it for myself and am in paroxysms of Joy, as if I have just invented Electricity. This is either stupidity or childlike wonder. Either way, it is irritating.
Wedding Speeches
Waking hours that are not filled with useless conversations with bitter civil servants are spent writing a speech in my head. I have got as far as "humility, dignity and restraint" which were the words we were supposed to live our lives by. We ended up doing the opposite, of course. Now she's marrying a man who pulls stray hairs out of her chin.
Visitors from the Colonies
I intend to show my Speshiul Visiter the Best of London Life. So far, my plans include the EastEnders omnibus, being just outside Brixton tube at 6pm, lunch at Halal Fried Chicken, a cinema in Leicester Square, a Wetherspoons Pub and Oxford Street at 3pm on the first day of the sales. We will travel everywhere by bendy bus and Underground.
If anyone's got any other ideas, do send them in.
Cretins
Surrounded by them this week. But the ones at the Job Centre make me wonder if another Government Initiative to get the unemployment figures down is to employ the unemployable at Job Centres.
Work
In the New Year, I will be paid to write about internet dating. Regular readers will know that I have done this thing before. It may be a little bit like rain on your wedding day or a black fly in your Chardonnay; on the other hand, it could actually be ironic.
Other new work
Amsterdam? For three months? Oh, go on then. If I must.
Christmas
"A small glass of sloe gin, darling?", MM will say. Five days later, I will find myself on a plane back to Blighty.
New Year
With one person I know I like, in a tiny house in the country, playing Scrabble and eating crisps. Infinitely better than pretending to have fun and dashing about the place wearing a cardboard cone hat with sparkly strips poking out of the top, loosely attached under your chin with a piece of elastic. Or indeed blowing into one of those things made of paper that rolls out and goes 'toot'. Or party poppers. They're very sillly.
I do love sparklers though. And fireworks.
Tassimo
No, but really - what is a "hot beverage system"?
Tagged
I have been. What is this thing? I am scared.
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5 comments:
Re: Tagged. So was I. It sounds so dodgy. But it isn't. You just list stuff. Passes the time anyway.
I love when the crap running bits join up.
I do Theoretical Crap Running. It's exactly the same as Crap Running except you only think about the running,you never quite actually do it.
It's pretty good apart from the fact you never lose any weight or get any fitter. Also you can do it whilst eating crisps, which I find saves a lot of time.
You could take your Speshul Visitir to Tottenham, so that he (she?) can return home with tales of his time in 'Nam.
Chortle.
A hot beverage system is capitalism in action! You have to pay through the nose to buy specially sealed tubs of beverage preparation material instead of just grinding up the bark and things yourself.
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