However, most people are reassured by a PowerPoint presentation, as they feel they are Meaningful and have taken a long time to write, despite being 114 pages long and mainly full of the words "irrelevant bollocks that no-one's really interested in, that I have copied from somewhere else and re-ordered in the hope that no-one will notice because they will be asleep."
But today for the Work I am writing a Powerpoint Presentation! I am having such fun, you would not believe! Here is a document that is one million words long. Now please make it into a few slides. OK then, I will! Now that's what PowerPoint's for.
Meanwhile, as global strategies are summarised in two lines, I am doing some further low-level research into the Canada, or more specifically, Mooses.
Some of them are very fat, maybe because they have been eating maple syrup and poutine.

They have facial hair, like everyone in Montreal (apart from the ladies, unless they have a hormonal disorder):

When they go out together, they like to wear matching clothes so they don't lose each other. (If they go abroad, one of them holds a fluorescent sign that says "Mooses Ici" on it, assuming the Mooses are Quebecois.) As it is often chilly in Canada, they take care to wrap up warm. Sometimes, they wrap up in matching clothes, which kills two birds with one stone. That makes them happy.

And finally, having laboured under the misapprehension that a Moose was perhaps the size of a Large Horse, but with a bigger nose and enormous antlers, I was astonished to find that not only is a Moose smaller than an average-sized man but that (a little like the rabbit and his ears), they are most comfortable when being held up by their antlers.
The internet is a wonderful thing, my friends. You should try it!

18 comments:
Try Keynote instead. You can do all the PowerPoint stuff plus some extra fancy bits and those will make you look clever as a bastard to all those corporate drones that live & breathe the Microsoft way.
Heavens no, I'm not learning something else now. And anyway, invariably a thousand spinning graphics, slide effects, whizzing bullet points and the like mean your content is shit. If your argument is good, you should be able to summarise it in 10 points and leave it at that.
But that's for the things I do. It may be different if you're a doctor or something.
Yes, keynote is a good idea.
Don't forget that all Canadians say "Eh" all the time.
Slide one:
Oh Canada:
cold
tundra
trees
hockey
maple/flag/syrup
large noisy neighbour
I like the moose, mooses, moosi?
Hate Powerpoint, but not as much as Excel.
I like when they give you a copy of all the slides, and then you can sleep while pretending to look atthem in your lap. Best not to drool though.
Hubby always says that if Powerpoint should disappear off the planet "poof" then life as the military knows it would cease to exist. As he's worked for both the British MoD and an American think-tank and humongous military manufacturer, I guess he knows whereof he speaks.
Although I've probably just enabled the terrorists or some such rot.
I'm sure that last moose is a reindeer!
No. Terrorist use flipcharts. No electricity in caves, see?
Plus, that geeky fella in Spooks can find anything out from your old PowerPoint presentations but would be stumped by a well-washed whiteboard.
That sounds like a RUBBISH PowerPoint presentation. Every two or three words must be illustrated, that's the law.
"One Year Ago.."
*click*
(Large Bar graph with axes labeled "Years" and "Number of years" with a large 3D block indicating one year.)
"...I was asked..."
*click*
(Large Venn diagram, with two intersecting circles labelled "Things asked" and "Me")
"...to prepare a presentation..."
*click*
(Time for some Humour now, or your audience will think you are dull and stuffy, when in fact you are Not. So, a marquee announcing "THIS IS IT LOL" in flashing colours)
"...about..."
*click*
(Nothing)
"..er... this is as far as I've got. Thankyou."
Upper Case L: The only Canadian I know only said 'eh?' once, and that was when I was drunkenly complimenting him on his 'barnet'.
Anxious - if you are referring to My Favourite Joni Mitchell Song, even thinking about it makes me come over a bit weepy.
Birchsprite: It said "Moose" on the thing so, you know ... what's the difference? I wonder.
MIkey and Camera Obscura: I reckon terrorists have generators powered by Mountain Goats. Just a guess.
Porny Boy - piss off with your comments that are funnier than my posts, I find it Wearing and slightly Gloomy-Making.
I am thinking that Posts from Canada will be entitled "Things I Have Learnt About Canada Today". Then I reckon I can sell the idea to the Canadian Embassy and they can make a pamphlet out of it. What does everyone reckon?
I drew a map of Canada...
You won't *really* be posting from Canada....will you?
Beth: For reasons of the Work (Dear NWM, Yes please do that thing for us, that one. Cheers, love Us, kiss kiss), my lap-top is coming with me. Plus my thoughtful host has informed me of the wireless inter-net available to me in the place in which we will be staying. Therefore, it is highly likely I will be blogging. That or walking around a lot and pointing. Maybe both. Who can tell. For the moment I must work, and write about the merger of two German banks! Yes! It's true!
Here's the bank presentation for you then:
Zwei = Ein
Danke!
Strudel anyone?
I think you should blog on Things I Have Learnt About Canada Today, and when you have enough Things, you should make them all into a spiffy PowerPoint presentation of the kind Porny Boy describes (only maybe longer), and present it to the Canadian Embassy - they'll love it!!
Yes, last one definitely a reindeer. Live moosesssss are quite homely compared to elk or deer. They are rather lumbering looking and very large. Here is a site to further educate you re: Canadian news etc. www.cbc.ca Don't forget Molsons, maple syrup, and Canadian bacon-they may benefit from your research. Have a great time ehhh!
Everything I know about Canada:
Ginger Ale
Mounties
Maple Syrup
It's not quite America.
I think that's all anybody knows. Even Canadians.
I had a Canadian flat-mate once, who stayed for six months while she was earning enough money to continue to Travel Round Europe, so my knowledge of Canada is
Graham crackers
Brownies (the cake),
originated there, apparently
Maple syrup
Mounties
London (Ontario, that is)
although, sadly, I've never been there.
Aren't there beavers in Canada?
I had a Canadian secretary once, who always referred to the tea-kettle - even when she was making instant coffee.
If we needed to cheer up a bit, we would ask her to say "roundabout". It's a bit like asking a New Zealander to say "fish and chips. Equally funny.
Post a Comment