"Ahh, ahh, spooky, mmm, spooky, ahh, ahh, ahh, spooky, ooh, spooky
Ahh, aah, aah, spooky."
I awake in my pit at 6.15 and can barely open my eyes, which are glued together with cat spittle and confusion. But I Struggle awake, wash, eat porridge standing up, hurl "a hot drink" down my throat and stagger down the hill to the tube. My intention is to Mount the Tube and travel to Tottenham Court Road, whereupon I will be Interviewed for a Job That Does Not Exist. ("Speculative chat, yeah?") I really do not want to go.
But what is this? The Tube Line is Broken! There is No Chance that I will get to the Imaginary Interview by 8.15. I turn back, and walk up the hill. A BLACK CAT crosses my path. My eyes swivel nervously to the right. HOLY MOLY! The Modesty Cover is back on the Greek Cock God!
This is too strange. I am still feeling unfulfilled after last night's unclear Psychic Guidance (although relieved to discover that December augurs well for Long Distance Travel, I did not Really Need To Be Told for reasons that will become clear in the coming weeks). But it appears that All Is Not Lost, for what do I find upon entering the gates of Monkey Towers? Yes! The framed calling card of Psychic Saveena has fallen to the floor. (To the left you will see a photograph of Memento Corner. Saveena's Gap is to the bottom right.)
It is Too Much. Athletically, I bend down and pick Saveena's calling card up off the floor. It is an Omen, I tell you. An Omen.
I do not often talk about my Troubles, as I like to think of this blog as a centre of mindless fuckwittery and drawings of monkeys, not a Vortex of Woe. But in order to communicate quite how astonishing this "coincidence" is, I will summarise them for you here. No sympathy, if you please; somehow it makes it worse and anyway, I'm dealing with it all very well.
Things I Always Worry About
1. Confusion
2. Whether my home is blessed
3. Depression
4. Drinking problems
5. Whether my children will marry outside culture
6. Being cursed by my jealous enemies
7. Most sicknesses
8. Evil influences
9. School exams
10. Whether my jealous enemies will succeed or not.
It is true. You cannot compare Saveena with others, for she will do what others cannot. I can already feel my worries draining away into the drear November morning. For Psychic Saveena of Tooting will be able to help me with each and every one of my problems, and make them disappear.
I dare not try the number. Spooky.
14 comments:
oh!! eeeeeeeee spooky!! you HAVE to go and see her now!
What are Photo Readings?
Oh, do go, and please tell me if she cures Confusion. Confusion is my greatest worry.
Not my greatest problem, as that probably should be Drinking. But I don't worry about that.
Very impressive - but you seem to have omitted court case and confusion from your list, so things could be worse. (You have monkey children?)
oh,I just saw confusion is top of the list. Still, no court cases so reason to be cheerful :)
She'll be expecting you to drop in.
Quite a chunky list you've got there, shows a life well lived IMHO. Hope she can fix some or all of it. But Psychic Monkey is probably your best bet ;)
You must not let your jealous enemies succeed!
Phone her at once.
As an evil influence, I laugh in her general direction. Let her do her worst,and by the way, doesn't everyone want their children to marry outside the family? I thought that was a law.
I woudln't trust her at all
She made the Moustachioed Man spend more than he wanted to down at the Cash 'n' Carry
Is he smiling or gritting his teeth I wonder....
Can you really trust anyone who admits they are from a town named Tooting?
Sounds like time to burn some sage incense at NWM household and listen to music that relaxes you and makes the cat nap.
I lived in Tooting once upon a time and never thought of it as an odd name 'till I read Martina's comment.
Tooting Broadway is more attractive sounding. For that is the real name.
A job interview at 08:15!! I am incapable of joined-up thinking until about 11:00. People will want working breakfasts next - oh, wait ...
I think I love Psychic Saveena of Tooting. I just can't go to Tooting - it;'s a North-South thing, you see (and no, my kids do NOT go to Westminster! I wish they bloody would).
Sorry. Am reading all of these now and laughing immoderately (in a good way). I will Respond Tomorrow when I have the Energies about me. (Getting up for 8.15 interview. That's me fucked. Even if I didn't go.)
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