Day 118: I Think A Bit Of Respect Wouldn't Go Amiss

Regular readers will be aware that I once had a job. But this was no normal job. Oh no. I mean we had desks and did work and that, and sent emails and made phone calls and had meetings. But what made this job extraordinary was the sheer level of insubordination I had to endure every day.

Young people would - openly and without shame - call me Monkey, or replace the photograph on my security pass card with a picture of a cock. They would tell me they "weren't sure about my attitude", phone HR every other day to report my bad behaviour, and wilfully and with intent ignore my orders. ("Kiss my feet." "No." "Get me tea." "No.") Last week, one of them sent me a book called "Teach Your Dog To Read".

Last night, out of pity, I met one of them. I was open-minded about the meeting, even though I still smart when I think of the way she treated me in the past, but there was some hope of improvement. Sadly, I soon found that nothing had changed: she gave the frankly unkind card you see above, and addressed it thus:












Still, she bought me a nice present:














But there was some confusion.

"Do you think if you dropped it you could re-assemble it to look like a monkey, you idiot?"
"Shut up."
"I spent ages looking for the monkey one."
"But I think they've all got monkeys on."
"Where?"
"Well, the point of the game is that there are different animals on every side."
"Where?"
"Here:"











"Oh."
"NOW who's the idiot?"

There really is no substitute for experience.