Heavens to Betsy! Those people at Hotmail are pushing the boat out today, let me tell you. I received the following communication this afternoon - a piece of communication no doubt received by everyone in the World, including Angelina.Jolie@hotmail.com and Clark.Gable@hotmail.com.
"To celebrate Hotmail's 10th birthday, we're looking for people who've had their Hotmail account for more than five years and have an interesting story to tell.
- Did you fall in love over email or find a long lost friend?
- Are you the proud owner of a celebrity name?
- Were you the first to get your hands on a popular name such as John Smith, Joe Bloggs or Jane Jones?"
Now then, let me see.
Did you fall in love over email or find a long lost friend?
No, but I did get involved in an email correspondence that resulted in a fight in a carpark in Swansea, a near-fight in a bar in France, the administration of oral love by my ex-best-friend on a Gentleman Caller in a conservatory in Devon, a spilt bottle of Chateau Talbot, a ill-fated launch of a disposable golf-tee, pints drunk with intellectual property lawyers, a sheepskin rug, a fake house name sign, an indoor marijuana forest, an ex-girlfriend like a ghost, four illegitimate children and two dogs called Curses and Transplant.
I also found a long lost friend through Friends Reunited. This is the Shameful Truth.
Are you the proud owner of a celebrity name?
Yes. My name is Ginger Baker.
Were you the first to get your hands on a popular name such as John Smith, Joe Bloggs or Jane Jones?
Who's called Joe Bloggs? That's STUPID.
These questions will not bring "interesting stories" to light! If I were in charge of the marketing at the Hotmail, I would ask:
- Have you ever run a prostitution ring or drug-running racket using Hotmail?
- Have you ever conducted an affair with that hot tamale in the call centre using Messenger?
- Have you ever shown your hooters to someone in Detroit using a webcam, when you have not been formally introduced?
- Have you arranged a dogging rendez-vous using your Hotmail account?
- Have you accidentally sent an email meant for one person to 150 people, resulting in near loss of employment?
- Have you ever tried to buy a gibbon and export it to Canada in a basket using your Hotmail account, a pair of scissors and a webcam?
THAT'S more like it. Honestly. Some people have no imagination.
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12 comments:
I found a long lost stranger.
Or rather, a long lost stranger found me.
(p.s. why are your word verifications harder than anybody else's? I mean 'mhnwmwrq' that's just taking the piss that is, *and* it probably means something obscene in inuit)
Oh, no they haven't. And THANK YOU for reminding me of my favourite all-time expostulation, "Heavens to Betsy"! I love that expression.
So anyway, back to all your questions - Well? Have you?? The public has a right to know!
PS - my word verification is incredibly easy. It must like me.
I have three hotmail identities and only one of them received the 10th birthday effusions. The other two are sulking.
I used to use WV but I really resented having to work out impenetrable series of letters, usually several times because it said I made mistakes, replying to comments on my own blog. so now I don't
snarf.
and no, i haven't.
Beth - OH God. I am sorry.
Ms Baroque - no to the questions, apart from the LAST ONE.
Z - I nearly gave it up, but the Spamming Started almost immediately so I started it again. I have 2 other hotmail accounts too but haven't used them for 1.32m years, so they probably have no birthday greetings in them. That or I've had that hotmail account for over 5 years. Alarming.
Clare - Precision is King tonight: 'set of a series of events that included ...' would be more accurate.
Lucretia - you lie like a cheap rug.
Ms B - I like 'heavens!' too. What do you think?
PS FIENDISH word verification for me too - it has taken 5 goes. Fingers crossed. Last one means 'kiss my bear' in Inuit. Is the Truth.
I'm currently in the process of planning the export of five hundred kilo weight of rabbit shit to the British consulate in Sofia, Bulgaria, for them to power their boilers over the winter months, using my Hotmail account.
Does that count, or are we looking for purely historical content here?
I spotted a car at a local grocery store. Sign on it said "Ovens to Betsy" personal chef. Oh you clever people-this blog always brings a smile or a scream.
Go Monkey - you put the 'otm' into 'Hotmail'!
TIMBO I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU. If this is true, my world has indeed been turned on its head. Sweet Lord.
Anonymous - I do hope I don't make you scream in a BAD way. Are you OK?
Julia - yeah baby, yeah!
You people are so colourful!. In my experience Hotmail accounts are only used (a) To apply for jobs without IT scum snooping (b) To conduct extramarital affairs without IT scum snooping and (c) When the corporate email servers of major media groups go titsup on deadline day.
Can't be doing with the spam either, so comments come to me first for approval.
Gives me something to do with my day.
Mikey, you could say, "Heavens! You people are so colourful!..." Anyway, I couldn't help noticing item (b) on your list.
NWM, yes I do like "heavens!" as you can see. And also, in a different mode, "Good lord!"
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