Driving back from Highgate, a thirty-eight year old pedestrian disguised as a media twat with iPod headphones and a fashionably ironic jersey leaps into the road in front of me. I perform an efficient emergency stop. The man behind me is slightly less efficient, and stops mere millimetres from my plastic bumper. I am Overcome.
He has the grace to take off his headphones and look startled. I lower my window, with Woman's Hour chuntering in the background.
Me: There is a PEDESTRIAN CROSSING TWENTY FEET AWAY YOU KNOB.
Media Boy: Oh fuck off.
Me: Knob.
Media Boy: Twat.
Me: YOU'RE the twat.
Media Boy: No, you're the twat.
Me: Oh GROW up.
Media boy: You can talk.
Me: Fair point.
He looks at me, and I look at him, and we laugh and laugh and laugh. The man behind honks his horn, and I drive off.
Very pleasing.
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10 comments:
Highgate is so "nice", isn't it? He was probably listening to a Woman's Hour podcast or something.
Why did you stop?
I'd have sped up and turned on the windscreen wipers.
Can't afford car insurance and BUPA membership lapsed a week ago.
See if that was America somebody would have got shot before you laughed and made up, and you'd be pinned down by a SWAT team on the roof of B&Q.
I gotta call someone a knob soon. That was just too funny.
Must be an England thing. If you called me a 'knob' is simply wouldn't know how to respond.
Though, 'twat' is a good answer.
Don't be nice to meeja types. They are gutterwhores.
Oh my. I'm tired and odd.
God, I've never had a row that sounded like so much fun. I would have jumped out of the car and yanked his headphones out of his ipod I reckon.
Have you considered becoming a tutor of 'Conflict Resolution'?
(That is a real thing by the way. I couldn't believe it.)
You would be considered unorthodox but your results would speak for themselves. Like Robin Williams in Dead Poets-
No. Forget it. Doesn't matter.
just discovered your blog through confessions of an author - liking it a lot
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