I am in Newcastle in a hotel that is possessed by the Devil. On the board in reception, it says British Airways are in tomorrow for a conference. But it is not British Airways; it is a convention for Satanists.
I have had to move rooms. The first one they offered me smelt weird and dripped, and was hollow. I am now in a room that is better, but has bloodstains on the floor and a minibar that contains two small bottles of water, two small cartons of Orange Just Juice and two Mint Clubs, which I thought went out of production in 1976. It is very, very hot and the window is stuck.
I think, if I try hard enough, I can push the sofa against the door. Something weird is creaking, and the hall smells of cigarettes and cabbage.
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8 comments:
Are you sure it is a licensed hotel? Sounds more like the Y or an old folks home.
It is three star. I am about to go and have breakfast. I had thought of using the gym facilities, but that may be Unwise.
Wish me well.
That sounds like luxury - wait till you get to Glasgow.
At least they're not Orange Clubs. They are a sure sign of the Devil's work.
Didn't know you could still get Clubs at all in any flavour? How the hell did you find this place NWM? What's wrong with Travel Lodge anyway..at least there aren't, generally, blood stains anywhere ewwwwwwww
Good luck with breakfast! (I don't think I ever said that to anyone before!)
xx
"I'll show you the life of the mind! I'll show you the life of the mind!" etc.
C - I don't know either but I have a suspicion... yes you are right about all rooms being hollow, but some are more hollow than others. They REVERBERATE WITH EVIL.
Hey-If you do see Satan, see if you can get my soul back. I think I left it at his place a while back.
He did leave cab fare on the dresser, though. Perhaps he meant it as payment. Either way. Thanks.
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