Try not to shop in Waterstone's, if you can help it. Every single little fucker that works there is doing an MA in something pointless and thinks that they are far, far too important to work in a shop.
Me: Hello. Have you got A Vicious Circle by Amanda Craig* in stock? I can't see it on the shelf.
Him: (Sighs, barely looks up) Sorry?
Me: A Vicious Circle by Amanda Craig. Have you got it?
Him: (Sighs) Is it on the shelf?
Me: No ... um, could you check to see that it's still in print?
Him: (Sighs, puts his book down, barely looks up) I suppose so.
Me: Thank you. That's very kind of you.
Time passes. A dog barks in the distance. Distant laughter is heard in the Popular Psychology section. I see nothing but books about how to dress, eat, get a man and keep him, 3-for-2 offers on books about single women getting their man, cards with cats on and a book about cake written by an actress. And the new Bill Bryson book in teetering piles up to the moon.
Him: Yeah, it's in print. Do you ... WANT it? (As if I am ordering Mein Kampf)
Me: No. Not anymore.
Ooh, get you, with your stupid MA, your scraggly facial hair and your 'I'm an intellectual' clothes. It takes a rare man to put me off buying shiny shiny books but you, my friend, have done it. And now I am going to drive back to Highgate and go to the weird shop on the corner that sells a disproportionate amount of Freud, books at a price that is as expensive as books can get, has no 3-for-2 offers and no 'staff recommendations' from over-educated fuckwits whose opinions I care nothing about. Then I will have a strange but pleasant small conversation with a woman with Hair who has a dog sleeping on her feet, and an unfeasibly tall man in glasses who likes Nancy Mitford.
* Buy it. It's good.
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11 comments:
Ooh dear. I did an MA while working at a Waterstones.
Mind you, I was, at least, mostly kept away from the public, in the unpacking room with the lost souls. And I was mostly nice to customers when I did see the light of day (albeit occasionally enormously clueless - I once claimed that there was no such book as Tom Sawyer. Oh dear).
so bloody true. i got exactly this the last time i went into waterstones... grumpy uppity snotbags. they almost made me cry...
ps. so glad to have been introduced to your blog. :)
Oh now stop it, that's just too weird.
Hello, Lucy, how are you? You once drove me around bits of Norfolk in your mini if I'm not very much mistaken.
What, me? I haven't got mini. Is Lucretia Lucy? Hello Lucretia. I am glad you're glad.
Dave, you don't count, because you're not a knob and you can draw in a way that further suggests you're not a knob. And there is no such book as Tom Sawyer, so don't worry about it.
Sorry, yes, I think Lucretia is Lucy Pepper who did the same illustration course as me in Cambridge (but some years later).
good god...hello, dave shelton! what a small blogosphere... are you sure it was a mini not a MkII ford escort??? red. dogtooth check seats. or a gold opel ascona? (always a stylish car for me, then) I might have nicked a mini from somewhere. ah, those were the days!
:)
sorry, nonworkingmonkey, we appear to be having a school reunion in your comment box!
(btw it's lucretia as a kind of halfway house from my old blogger identity of "vitriolica" and lucy pepper which just makes me sound like a big fluffy bunny rabbit..I'm easing myself in gently)
Why do you think websites like Amazon are popular? That way you just have to deal with academic wannabes by monitor-not in person. A man looking like Nancy Mitford-now that is scary!
By the way, as an American who has visited London many times, your map makes perfect sense. Darned roundabouts!
For someone who's not working, you seem to have an oddly high disposable income, buying "books" and "wine". I'm going to report you.
I've told you before, but you just don't listen (family failing): 1. Go to the library or 2. Be brave, overcome your prejudices and go over the bridge into sunny Fulham. I know it makes you anxious (Fulham, that is), but the best book shop in the world is there, as you well know: Nomad Books. Where they will order anything (although they have most), and it comes the next day (unlike Waterstone's) and they are lovely and helpful and smiley and you can have a cup of coffee while browsing.
P.S. We've got Amanda Craig's Vicious Circle here, but I lent it to Jude. She will return it, because she's that kind of girl. Word verification now: emufe. emufe already?
Moutarde I am NOT going to Fulham. I know Nomad Books is very fine indeed, but it's not worth negotiating the legions of knobbers in stripey shirts and women who couldn't work even if they had to pushing £500 pushchairs into the back of my legs. It's just not worth it.
Anyway, told you: I get all my books from Oxfam now. Is good. You pay 50p, read it, then take it back to them so they can sell it again. Is my contribution to charity so don't have to worry about that as well.
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