It's the end of the world. I am spending actual and real time a) looking for cereal; and b) writing letters of complaint to manufacturers when I can't find their cereal in the shops. (Further proof, if I needed it, that I really must find something to fill the time I so obviously have too much of.)Anyway, here's an extract* from a letter I wasted twenty minutes of my life writing this afternoon. It went via some e-mail thing to Consumer Relations at Weetabix Food Co of Kettering, Northamptonshire. (I hope they write back. They may not. But they may.)
Hello
I have a question. Can you help? Here it is:
"Why are you spending all your lovely money on advertising if Oatibix aren't available in the shops?".
...
Usually, I only respond to ads for cleaning products. (Not Cillit Bang though. I don't like the shouting man.) But I watched your ad, and thought: my breakfast prayers are answered. Weetabix! A smashing cereal product that I cannot eat because it is made of wheat ... now made of OATS! Which I CAN eat! Which GENIUS thought of this product? I salute them!
Granted, I'm not doing much at the moment. "Resting" is what it's called if you're an actor. "Not working" is what it's called if you used to do marketing and advertising and stuff, like I used to. So I've got time to go looking for Oatibix.
And I think that's why I'm so sad. I've been to eight ENORMOUS supermarkets looking for them, and my corner shop, and another shop that I thought was a corner shop, but turned out to be a Post Office that smelt of wee and sold string. No Oatibix.
I've been dropping it in to conversation with friends who live in the North (of London), and Scotland, and in the country. "Have you, you know, seen those OATIBIX things? In the shops?". They ask me what they are, and I tell them, and they say "No, but they sound good. Can you get them in London?". "No", I say, and we all fall silent, and feel sad.
...
Will you send me some Oatibix? I don't believe they're real, you see, and that makes me sad because Weetabix would NEVER lie, like John Lewis, M&S, Marmite and Fairy Liquid would never lie.
Help me keep the faith.
With brand-loyal love,
NWM
Have you seen Oatibix anywhere? If you have, my friend the successful published author Dave (read his book, it's good), wants some.
* Yes. It really was that long. The bits I left out contained dark, bad things.
9 comments:
Step away from the keyboard....breath.....relax!
There, that wasn't too difficult was it??!
Damn it girlie you do need to focus that intelligence on something else!
PS Nope I haven't seen Oatabix, but will keep an eye out for you, don't know if they have such a thingy here in Berks ya know!
xx
Non-workingmonkey
I have to say you continue to astound me, in a good way of course!
67 days and you haven't gone postal yet, that's quite an achievement although writing to cereal companies surely indicates that it may only be a matter of time.
I have Oatibix. Apple and Sultana bitesize. I got them from the Co-op in a very small town in the North East of England. The original had already sold out, so keep it to yourself or we may find ourselves in the same predicament as London...but if you're ever passing through...
You have Oatibix? You have them? Are they nice?
I can only dream.
Lucky old Weetabix. I hear the distant coughing of a PR wheeze ...
xx
I have nothing relevant to say but I just saw that the word verification for posting this is "ofroboo" and it seemed a shame not to type it.
I can see why.
I like your drawings on your site.
I am going to email you now about something, if I can.
This has cheered me up. Thank you. Though I can't help with your cereal dilemma, I'll keep an eye out for you.
x
My pleasure. Just read your blog. Stop thinking about Lack of Chaps and take up magazine competition entering instead. Or writing randomly and without purpose to cereal manufacturers. Or going to the gym, or watching squirrels.
Works a treat.
x
Thanks, will do.
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