I am wonky. I list to the left, and sometimes I topple over unexpectedly like an end-of-pier musical hall act. But it was a dangerous collision with the loving arms of the Tread-O-Meter, followed a couple of days later by a surprising and painful crash into a wall, that finally sent me to Putney to see a chiropractor. Now, this particular chiropractor is Magical, and he works in the Palace of Magic, and he has Magical Hands. He also makes me blush, because he is tall, handsome, kind, gentle and calm, and has enormous hands, all qualities that I admire in a gentleman. He is also Australian.
He shook my hand.
Me: I'm wonky.
Him: Wonky?
Me: Yeah. I sort of list to the left. Sometimes I fall over and even if I know it's coming, I can't stop it.
Him: Right.
Me: I'm not sure if it's in my head or real though. I might have a strange skelington.
Him: Skelington?
Me: Sorry. SkeleTON.
On his strange Chiropractor Bed of Magic, he did some tiny things with the touch of a delicate fairy. Magical things that didn't make sense (apart from the bit when the Bed of Magic disappeared in the middle, and then came back).
We talked a little of my new exercise regime. He smiled beatifically, and prescribed long walks and the avoidance of aubergines. Then I ran down the road a bit in a straight line without falling over. I am not exaggerating when I say it felt, just for a second, like I was flying. That's Magic, that is.
4 comments:
I have an osteopath. I'd marry him, if I didn't think that was a poor return for the amazing things he does. Magic, indeed.
I think you made it up about the aubergines because: a) you haven't got arthritis as far as I know and b) you don't like them.
Aubergines are part of the nightshade family, along with tomatoes, fags and potatoes (and some other shit). Also chilis and peppers are something else, and alcohol and like caffeine and that. It's something to do with something from Detroit that Magic Man gave me and told me to do for two weeks, and is currently on the floor in my car. I HATE aubergine, you are Korekt, but it is in the list of things to be avoided (why I can't remember), and was chosen because it is the Funniest Of The Vegetables On The List (in that context, anyway; otherwise obviously carrots are the funniest).
Sensational advice. Thank you. Apparently the wonk was my pelvis. Which made me feel a bit sick.
x
Post a Comment