I used to think I should be extraordinary and remarkable in some way. Then I grew up and realised I'm like everyone else and want the things most people want. Enough money not to worry, friends I like and a nice place to live; perhaps, one day when I am very old and smelling of wee, a relationship with a pleasant gentleman who will ignore the smell and love me for my mind. I think working is a bit last year, and in that I may differ from many people, but generally I'm astonishingly pedestrian.
Of course, life would be considerably enhanced if my belly were not a separate entity made of melted Play-Doh attached to my body by Magical Methods (in fact, I have decided that the day I can bend over without it making itself apparent is the day I can start sniffing around after gentlemen callers), and it would be good if someone gave me a million quid or fell in love with my splendid mind and well-formed eyebrows, but these things are mere pipe dreams, and must, for the moment, be put aside. (Apart from Play-Doh belly, which is subject to 6 visits to the gym every week and calorie consumption entered into spreadsheets.)
Anyway, there is a point to this. I am as interested as the next person in how people find my blog and I look at my Site Meter stats every day. Sometimes I even put on a pair of spectacles and smoke a small pipe when I'm doing it, just to enhance the experience. Many visitors from India in the last few days (hello India), for example. But my favourite is search engine stuff. So I shall now slip in to the worst of Blogging conventions and tell you that someone found this blog today by typing monkey fuck into MSN. But not just any MSN. MSN Arabian Peninsular. I laughed until my nose bled.
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13 comments:
Oh dear.
Someone found my site on Google by typing "blowjob in a car".
Interesting. I too don wire-rimmed spectacles and a silken smoking jacket while reading my stats, though my poison of choice is a chalice of warmed brandy.
:-)
Today's search by someone found me by th'keywords: breast sweat.
I found that the use of the word 'nipples' resulted in double the normal amount of site visitors. Many of these were from Hong Kong.
Fun blog. Will check back. Yours, toasted nipple
Sympathies on the "play-d'oh" belly...I am so with you on that! At least you visit the gym - my excuse is that I'm too busy smoking and drinking gin to do that!
PS - I don't even have well formed eye brows...these is no hope!! wahhhhhhhh!
My most recent visitor to arrive via Google entered the words
"Helen willetts" + pregnant
Excellent.
Excellent site.
How do you find out how people have arrived at your site?
Cheers
Tartan Red
Oh those poor, poor arabian monkeys. I shudder to think...
who is Helen Willetts?!
My tartan friend: go to www.sitemeter.com and follow the instructions.
xxx
Cheers non workingmonkey.
Helen Willetts is a weathergirl on breakfast telly. But the weird thing is, I have now had about 7 people putting in variations on that theme and arriving at my blog. I mean, who cares whether she's pregnant or not?!
I got 'methods of fucking' the other day. Jesus.
I like 'breast sweat' and 'blowjob in car' enormously. Tired Dad has sneered at this post because he thinks writing posts about search engine results is a blog cliche. This is know, hence the title 'I never said I was original'.
By the way, anyone reading this comment - do read Tired Dad. He's awfully good and his latest post made me drop my pipe. Link on the right.
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