Day 33: I Enjoy A Dutchman's Wooden Spoon In My Hotel Room

We drive for days and days, listening mainly - and unaccountably - to the Eagles, and finally arrive at this pokey hovel. It is owned by a curly-haired Dutchman who, of course, wears 'feature spectacles' and makes ribald jokes about the tiny size of our double bed. (I am not laughing, for I am sharing the room with an old friend of the opposite gender, but the thought of 'jiggy jiggy' with each other makes us both feel a bit sick, so we were hoping for twin beds or an Elephantine double bed.)

Ours is the second window from the left on the second floor. What you won't be able to see from the splendid photograph above, but will be able to see in the marvellous photograph on the left here, is the lovely wooden spoon (complete with dried paint) that he very kindly left us on our bedside table. We weren't sure whether or not it was a sign of traditional Dutch hospitality, or whether 'returning the spoon' meant that we were happy to take part in the Eyes Wide Shut-style entertainments he arranged with his guests and the locals. I'm going to err towards the former, however, because I discovered that when the Dutchman sits in his window at night tapping away into his computer and chainsmoking, he is not tweaking his porn ring, but learning French online. Anyway, the Friend with whom I am sharing this tiny double bed saw the spoon as a talisman to protect him from any amorous advances from me, and fell asleep with it in his hand only to be woken a few hours later by the sound of it clattering to the floor. This, however, was only one of many interesting sound effects that kept us from sleeping for two nights in a row. They included:

Sheep baaing so loudly it sounded like they were in the bathroom (one of the sheep later gobbed on my Friend, who had to wash his shirt in a hurry)
Random dogs barking
A cockerel, who started up at 4.30am and didn't let up
Tiny French children running up and down the corridors
Gravel crunching
2CV vans starting up
Shouting (random)
A scream
Ribald laughter
Breaking glass.

We are very tired.