How utterly dull. My chest is rapidly filling with something unmentionable, my throat burns with the thousand fires of Satan, and when I cough I clutch on to inanimate objects and gag. I am rubbish at being ill, because I rarely am. I find it boring and undignified. It also makes me feel sorry myself, which is truly repellent. I'm self-pityingly wishing I had a Loving 'Partner'* to administer strokes to the forehead and soup (sod paying bills, being dynamic and chopping down logs: none of these are requirements; kindness is). My mother, selfishly, is in France, probably smoking a small cheroot and drinking Absinthe straight from the bottle, so I must self-medicate.
Anyway, I'm sucking these things. They stop the hacking cough for a bit, but they don't last long. Interestingly, they recommend that you do not exceed the recommended dose in 24 hours. That, to me, would suggest they contain Proper Drugs but closer inspection reveals that the maximum recommended dose of these babies is 5 packets in 24 hours, or 3 packets for children. If you need that many, surely you should be on Lemsip Flu Max Bombardier Super-Strength Power Flu-Away, not gaylordy sugar sweets?
Maybe there's a limit on how many you can scoff because they actually and literally rot your teeth away and bring on diabetes. Still, they taste OK. Kind of blackcurranty and fresh. Make your teeth kind of furry though. I think I may be delirious.
*I am not keen on this word, but in this instance, it is fairly accurate.
1 comment:
In my formative years I once tried to get stoned during class by putting an entire package of Vicks Mentholyptus cough drops (cherry flavor, if I recall) in my mouth, and waiting. I got a mild headache and some stomach churning, so could properly brag about my altered state to classmates. I later graduated to sucking on nutmeg and morning glory seeds, to about as much effect. Ah, the glories of youth.
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