Day 3: I Have Won A Holiday In Cancun

Very few people have my home telephone number. I am ex-directory, for reasons that I can't quite recall; I think I thought it would make me seem mysterious.

When the phone rings, it is invariably one of four friends, a member of my immediate family, or someone wanting money. Today, when the phone rang (50s, red, rings like a phone rings in films) I jumped fair out of my seat aware, as I was, that my dear friend was at work, one was travelling on a motorcycle, one was in Oregon, and that I owe the Lady a call. My family are variously in France or Amsterdam, and unlikely to call in the morning.

An ominous silence. "Hello? Hello? HELLO? Who's THERE?" An American voice, like that of a simpleton cheerleader, transmits itself down the cable. "Well hello there Ma'am" (objectionable before we start; I am 36, not 68), "you have won a holiday to Cancun." I drop the phone in horror and sit rigid in my chair. Where is Cancun? Why me? How did I win a free holiday to somewhere I have never heard of?