Sting News

In a new series, I give you "Sting News", in which we discover - via unexpected means - the different shining facets of everyone's favourite private-jetting rainforest-loving cockmonkey.

This week: Sting's Wikipedia entry carries a public health warning:



Coming soon: what happens when you try and stuff an apple with boiled ham.

Pip pip!!!

NWM

I begin the Marguerite Potluck Project once again

Yes, my friends, and so it begins.

Today, selected at random (and to be cooked tomorrow), I give you a spherical trio, the first two of which are 'accompaniments' and (beady-eyed French speaking readers will notice!!), apparently diet foods - just what we need after a week of Bendicks bittermints and 5 day old Turducken.  For pudding, we have a meringue basket with fruit and - or so I see on the list of ingredients - some green food dye.

Hold on to your hats!!!

I wish you all a happy new year

Yes, readers, it is true: in 2010, you too can look like me. Simply press on this link and pray on all that is dear to you that it comes in your size.

Pip pip!

I write my "to do" list for 2010

All around the world, people whose opinion you probably care little for (and Mariella Frostrup) are writing lists about the best and worst of this and that in 2009. When they are not doing that, they are writing their lists of 'must-see', 'must-do', 'must-this', 'must-that' etc for 2010. And when they are not doing that, they are sharing their resolutions with everyone, e.g. "eat more fruit", "watch the news", "read Proust", etc.

I have accepted that I will not read Proust, ever. I have already read Ulysses, In Parenthesis, Clarissa, Moby "Call Me Monkeymael" Dick and the accursed Poems of the Pearl Manuscript (in the original obv), which is quite enough of THAT sort of book for one lifetime and, I think, disqualifies me from having to read anything you 'should' read ever again.

However, my shining monkey eyes are firmly focused on list of things I really must get done next year, some of which I have mentioned already (but bear repeating), and some of which will be entirely new to both you, my loyal and adoring readers, and members of my close family.

"TO DO LIST", 2010

1. Open a pub called "The Cock and Biscuit"
2. Keep fringe* for at least 6 months
3. Re-start the Marguerite Potluck Project
4. Stop leaving used dental floss on the floor next to the sofa
5. Start using Just A Drop
6. Stop reading the Daily Mail online
7. Get everyone in the world to subscribe to the Wire Tap podcast
8. Learn how to use a sewing machine
9. Buy a sewing machine
10. Stop my fucking husband from tackling me to the ground and kicking snow in my face
11-20. Tbc

I am also thinking about posting more recipes for things that I think are really good, but I am not sure whether they are interesting to you, my adored (and very attractive!) readers. Shall we try it for a while and see, for e.g. once a week at a regular time, e.g. Thursday?

Pip pip!!


* Or 'bangs' in North America!!!!

I play Pictionary

Today, for the first time in over 23 years, I played Pictionary.  As will see from a cursory glance at a few of my 'pictionaries' below, I am not particularly good at it - a fact confirmed by my 3 team-mates, none of whom got any of my pictures, not even the dogsleigh helpfully annotated with a "woof". ("It's not a fucking horse, it's going WOOF".)

In order that you may enjoy them more, I will now offer you the word clues in the order in which the pictures are reproduced.

Home Office

Decorating

Dogsleigh

Limp