Monday, November 23, 2009

I offer you an early Christmas present idea

This tiny pack of tiny post-it notes provides me with nothing but non-stop pleasure all day long.

Rapidly becoming the 'most used' item on my desk (after my stapler and crack pipe), this wonderful product is a must for every self-respecting employee - especially those that believe themselves, in their hearts, to be essentially non-working.

They are available to buy, via the medium of the 'internet shop', here.

Pip pip!

Friday, November 20, 2009

I receive the best medical advice of all time

We are in Putre in Northern Chile and we are making a commercial. There is not much in Putre* other than some streets, some clothes made out of alpaca, shoes made out of alpaca, tiny alpacas made out of alpaca and a restaurant with alpaca chop suey on the menu.

Putre is quite high up in the air, and being high up in the air can bring on altitude sickness. Because we are lily-livered bottom dwellers, we are not used to the altitude, and more to the point, there is no way of predicting whether you will get altitude sickness or not until you get there, so we have taken 'precautions' before we leave.  I have Diamox, as do the others, but we all have slightly different prescriptions and spend a great many minutes discussing them; I also have cortisone (which apparently stops your brain from blowing up); we each have a bag of coca leaves and some of us have even stopped halfway up the road to Putre to drink chachacoma tea, pausing from our hungry sucking only to wonder why the NestlĂ© refrigerator says "Savoury" on the outside when there is ice-cream on the inside of it.

But preventative tea and drugs are to no avail, for on my first night in the height I feel sick, and dizzy, and very, very, very tired, and cannot walk for more than 5 steps without panting like a hot dog. I go to bed and sleep for 12 hours, but before I sleep I lie in bed panting like someone who is running very fast. It is strange and magical, and I sleep the sleep of the not-quite-dead.

The next day I am recovered, although still panting, and we go to the 'set' and we do work. But then a doctor comes into the place we are shooting and suddenly I am hyper-pantilating.
"That's not a real doctor. They're shooting the South American version of 'Days of our Lives' down the road, and he's wandered on to the wrong set", says someone, and they are almost right because he is tall with curled hair and flashing black eyes so he looks like a soap dish. But in truth he is a real doctor, and he puts our fingers in his little machines and tells us if we are OK or not, and he has eyedrops if we need them, and he puts plasters on our cuts and hands out isotonic drinks and walks around with his big toolbox on display for everyone to see.

Two days later, we go even higher, to 4,400 metres. We are in a place called Parinacota, which is very beautiful, but I do not think its beauty is why my heart is beating at one million bpm. I am frowning and the doctor says, "OK, you OK?", and I say, "my heart is beating very fast!", and he makes me put my finger in his little machine, and then he says, "you must sit down, and not walk or run, and tonight you must have red wine. This way, you will be better soon."

Result!

* If par hasard you are going there, the best hotel in Putre is apparently the Terrace Lodge. We stayed in Hotel Quantati, which was much much nicer than this link says. Of the other hotels in Putre, which is tiny teeny, one has beds that are the shape of bananas and heaters that light up the whole room with their red light, and the other one is run by a woman who looks exactly like a llama. Oh, and this restaurant is actually and literally brilliant, and not far away are places that look like this:



Monday, November 16, 2009

I am in the Chile!!!

Yes it is true, I am on the "set" of a "commercial shoot". It is super. Highlights so far:

1. Being stopped at Santiago customs going to Arica for a 125g bag of nuts; 1 hour wait; $200 fine. Meanwhile, people are held for 2 hams, a set of antlers and a banana (not all together).Yes.

2. Not being in possession of a telephone that works outside Canada.

3. Being kidnapped by 3 producers (who we were not expecting) whilst my client had no (0) idea where I was, due in part to (2).

4. Extraordinary views. See below.

5. Shooting lady with llama walking up street; meanwhile, man with cows walks up street, swiftly followed by a flock of sheep. Sun comes down over Chilean mountains. We all go: oooooo!





Tonight, we shoot a volcano at sundown, and tomorrow morning some llamas at sunrise. We will be very tired!

Pip pip

NWM

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I prepare for a trip to Chile/Chili

Chile, Chili. Either way, it is a long way from Montreal, and to get there I must do this: Montreal-Miami-Santiago-Arica in an aeroplane (24 hours), then Arica-Putre in a car, going up and up and up, for 3 hours. Yes, this is what it is like working in advertising: you fly to places you would not normally go to film things, and it is good.

But what is this? I am sent a link to the hotel we will stay in in Arica! I do not know where to look with my eyes, so wonderful does it seem.

I shall take photographs of the hotel in the flesh, as it were, and attempt to post them before I leave for Putre aware, as I am, of the fact that altitude sickness may make my head explode.*




* Fear not, gentle readers. I have Diamox AND cortisone, so I shall not be swollen, but I may be weeing non-stop. I will also be able to lick llamas with inpunity, having been vaccinated against Hepatitis A and B, diptheria, polio (again) and TB and having, in my sac, an Epipen, Benadryl and cortisone (in case my mouth swells up randomly, as it sometimes does).

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I set England vs. North America

Based on the following commercials, which is better: England or North America?

England:



North America:





In other news, you may still join the excellent 'group' set up by one of my adoring readers on the Facebook by pressing here. And this time, the link is working. Amazing.

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