I have chosen the music I will walk down the aisle to

I share our 'first dance'

I have heard on the grapevine that it is customary for the 'groom' (i.e, man) to take the 'bride' (i.e., the lady) in his arms on the dancefloor before their other friends/family/pets break out in a cold sweat to Come On Eileen (or this for the Quebec contingent).

But what to choose? So far, we are refusing to do this stupid thing, but if we do there is only one song is tempting us, and it is this!!!

I let the readers decide

Champagne!!! Hello, I am Mariah Carey and now I am drinking some Cristal mixed with pineapple juice out of a glass with a straw.

Hello! I am a jet-setter from St Tropez, and I am chopping the top off Krug bottles with a cutlass on my yacht. Hello! I am from Woking and my dad is paying for my wedding and mum has insisted that we have got to have vintage Champagne to go with the white horse and carriage and it is costing two thousand British pounds.

I like champagne well enough but a) it gives me a gigantic headache; b) it seems ... not worth it. Also to buy champagne in the Canada in Quebec is about $60 to start with an OK bottle then you have to buy 15 and ... yes.

So, readers, YOU will decide which substitute fizzing vino we will have at the wedding we are having in October.

I will not even give you the arguments for and against each option, but I will accept commentary in the comments box if you feel you need to justify your choice*. (Note: when choosing, please note that whatever we buy is subject to markup etc as will be served by 'venoo').

Bon courage, mes amis! And choose well - the future success of our marriage depends upon it!




* If you do comment, please state your country of origin if I am not already aware of it; i.e. if it is you again bloody JonnyB I know you are from England!!!

I really am totally like with-it!!!

Not only am I ALL OVER Twitter, like ALL OVER IT and "tweeting" like a good 'un - but I have found a 'theme tune' for them if they ever decide to do some advertising or 'rebranding' and what have-you!

The theme tune I have selected has the added benefit of also demonstrating a point that we have all known for some time (and that, in fact, I "tweeted" some moments ago), namely that Genesis were in all ways ahead of their time. (And that Peter Gabriel looks like a stuffed cat, but that's another thing.)

I am like mega total social on-it total new media!!!!

Yes, fans, now you can follow my every move on the "Twitter"!! I am totally rad, etc. It is grate, even if I shall henceforth be known as "Nonworkingmonke".

On the downside (there is a downside to the new technologies, I can assure you), I will not be very good at 'Tweeting' and all that because I do not have the equipments. Twitter is OK if you have an iPhone or are at home all day on the line, but if you are lumbered with a totally rubbish Treo thing that makes you look like a knobber* while all your cool (and/or European) friends are cracking their gum and snapping their fingers in time to the new sounds, it is not so easy!!

Anyroad up, tonight has mainly been spent buying cake boards and what-have-you, although I have decided on a taste test between the mighty Bendick's Bittermint and the York Peppermint Pattie.

Bendick's Bittermints: $10.31 online. Over four British pounds at the airport. Rarer than gazelles in Hackney, even at Waitrose in Richmond and places like that. One is enough; two are possible.

York's Peppermint Pattie: under $1 I think at the station. 3 "patties" in a pack. 1 is transient; 2 to check they are not better than they are, what with being freely available and cheap; 3 is possible, but after that is the feeling of dirty.

With a Bendick's Bittermint, however, with every mouthful you feel that you are living in the greatest hour of the British Empire, and it is not just because they are hard to find. They are 95% cocoa chocolate, a strong peppermint essence, and a robust texture that makes you feel like a champion, as does the knowledge that one of the co-founders of Bendick's was called Colonel 'Bertie' Dickinson .

The York's Peppermint Pattie, par contre, used to be hard and now is soft, and owned by Hershey. It is OK, but I am keen for all fans of the Peppermint Pattie to try the Bendick's Bittermint and understand what the whole dark chocolate/strong peppermint combo can really do.









Meanwhile, the pathologist gnaws on fistfuls of delicious Lindt 70%. "What's that?", he says, pointing at the Peppermint Pattie. "It is like a Bendick's Bittermint, but for American girls", I say. "Do you want some?".

There is a silence; the maws of the pathologist crunch with deadly efficiency through the soft receiving choklit in his hands. "No. And anyway, I like After Eights better."

I am silenced!!! After Eights!!! Sweet heavens!!!



* Believe me, however shallow, this is important if you work in the advertising and spend your time trying to convince people to do stuff, e.g. do 'social media' etc. If you pull out a bit of apparatus that looks like it needs an organ grinder and a set of bellows to get it going, you look like a knobber. (See above.)