I have a conversation with a pathologist

Regular readers will be aware that I live with a French-Canadian veterinary research histopathologist, who once won a considerable sum of money playing the Quebec version of Jeopardy.

When he is at work, he looks at very thin slices of things under his enormous microscope. Sometimes he reviews academic papers (for e.g. at the moment he is looking at one about raccoon testicles), and sometimes, just sometimes, he has to perform an autopsy, i.e. cut an animal (usually a pig) up and see what is going on inside it.

He does not bring his work home, mainly because I work in the advertising and do not understand science. Even if he has been cutting up a pig, I am never aware of it; he wears overalls and has a nice wash afterwards, being careful to clean under his fingernails.

On Saturday, however, I walked across a frozen car park to meet the pathologist, who had been called to work to perform an emergency autopsy. From a distance of approx. 5 cars' length, I could see that there was a black dot on the end of his nose; a perfect circle, placed perfectly on the tip of his perfectly-formed nose.

Me: What is that on your nose?
Histopathologist: What is what?
Me: That black dot. Is it ... BLOOD?
Histopathologist: Oh. Probably.

In the next week's episode of CSI Quebec: We instal a sluice in the cellar, and introduce black pudding to Canada.

Conversations You Don't Often Have In Canada, #1

We are watching a British television programme.

Canadian: Why don't poor people in Britain eat the swans?
Me: You can't, only the Queen can eat swans.
Canadian: What?

In conclusion, if you would like to make a colonial laugh until they spit, make them search on the online for "Can I eat a swan?", and see what comes up.

In your search, you may find things like this, which contains references to choristers in scarlet, Swan Upping, livery companies, Elizabethans, torture chambers etc (none of which you get in the new country, and all of which sounds like it is made up when you have lived away from England for a year). Do read it all, if only for Jack Hill's contribution. Mr Lev of Yellowknife, Canada, will I am sure stand corrected!

For those who are interested, here is a picture of the Queen's Royal Swan Marker, David Barker:



Now there's a royal insight I'm sure you enjoyed!

Things You Hear People Say In Canada That You Probably Wouldn't Hear People Say In England, #4

2pm:

Me: We could go to the supermarket and just leave the stuff in the car for a bit.
Pathologist: Better not.
Me: Why? Are you worried about it FREEZING?
(Laugh for up to and including 10 minutes.)
Pathologist: Well, yes.

3pm:

I have walked from the car to the supermarket, which has taken all of one minute.

Me: My hair's crispy. Uh. Weird. Fuck me. Is it frozen?
Pathologist: Yes.
Me: Does that happen a lot?
Pathologist: Yes.

Notes:

1. It is -19
2. The pathologist - for those of you who are not regular readers!!! - is the French-Canadian for whom I moved to Canada.

I Am Enchanted

No but really! You must go here and search the Life magazine picture archives, which are on the line and full of excellent things. I include some 'snaps' found this very morning - and no I will not tell you what my 'search terms' were!!















































































































And to finish: a quiz. Who is this cake?

I Go To A Local Fair

They are dancing! Also, there are farmers' wives making acrylic slippers, and a living nativity with a Jesus who looks like Sufjan Stevens, but with a beard.

Here is the dancing:



And here is Sufjan Stevens and Mary watching the dancing, and then smiling for the camera. (They are a bit out of focus; I was excited by the donkeys).




Canada is amazing, particularly in its rural French parts!!!