Yes, adoring readers and/or fans, the moment is fast approaching. Our multiple residences are for sale. I have resigned and now work part-time, where my days divide up in the following ways:
Also, I have a cold - or is it a dust allergy, stirred up by moving piles of stuff in cupboards that have lain untouched for 7 years? We may never know. In the meantime, I watch the Canadian dollar become weaker by the second (something to do with OPEC and the sands), the size of the house we can afford to live in shrink to 4 square feet, and the list of urgent matters in need of resolution grow. For e.g.:
Also, I have a cold - or is it a dust allergy, stirred up by moving piles of stuff in cupboards that have lain untouched for 7 years? We may never know. In the meantime, I watch the Canadian dollar become weaker by the second (something to do with OPEC and the sands), the size of the house we can afford to live in shrink to 4 square feet, and the list of urgent matters in need of resolution grow. For e.g.:
- Will my friends realise - when they are forced to see me more than once a year - that I am a crashing bore?
- Has Canada - The Most Reasonable And Non-judgmental Country In The World - made me boring, or was I boring all along? Will anyone tell me if I am a bore? (This was Nancy Mitford's greatest fear so I am in OK company.)
- Where can I get some Dutch friends? Dutch people will always tell you the truth. A Dutch friend would tell me if I were boring. (There is much to commend the Dutch. A passion for the truth is one thing, along with great height, cycling proficiency, magnificent art, very good taste in lighting and excellent architecture. And also bitterballen.)
- What am I, an "ambitious lady" with a desire to have A REALLY GOOD POP AT IT and wear businesslike spectacles before becoming an overpaid consultant, or someone who seeks a simpler life involving entire afternoons on the sofa eating Hula-Hoops and watching Escape To The Country, interspersed with the odd bit of freelance for design agencies in the smaller centres of Hertfordshire?
- Where does all the dust come from?
- Are those clothes moths or food moths? Both are fucking arseholes, but there's an outside chance they're neither.
- Will the cat survive the flight over? What if the heating breaks and the pilot doesn't turn round, as he did for this bulldog the other day?
- Is Waitrose really that good?
- Is it OK to say you really like Which? magazine?
- Is it normal to lie in bed at night and think of marketing strategy for Which? magazine?
- Is it OK to want to be marketing director of Which? magazine?
- How will I sort out my gas/heating/telephone/internet/TV/bank/mobile phone?
It is very complicated. If there is anything else I should be worrying about - or if you have any answers to my questions - I would be grateful for all the words you can cram into the comments boxes with your tiny little fingers. (Also, I have lost the header on my web-blog which is very vexing, as it featured a beautiful drawing of me at my desk drawn by Mr Dave Shelton. Keep an eye out. If you see it, let me know.)
Pip pip!
NWM